Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Chasing Happy

At age 19 I moved to the rolling hill country of Texas absolutely sure I was going to end up deliriously happy as a result. My year and a half old son came with me and we were going to scratch out our life here. A life consumed by our own opinion, not the opinions of those who think their opinion is more important than ours. I was so SURE I would be happy if I would just pay the price then. A happy price at the time, but a damn broke price. A quiet, country, have one car, a little house, and a few pennies to rub together price.

A few months later I was married. Soon after, we had the quiet, country, one car, little house, and few pennies, paying the happy price. Four years later we moved back to Cali, sure that we were going to position ourselves to make the big bucks and be even more deliriously happy than we already were.

Three years later we are back here in Texas paying the price of chasing happy and I realize happy is never going to come because of what we do now. If we make wise choices now we may enjoy the outcome of those later but it's never going to bring happy. Happy is what we make it each moment, this moment and the next.

As I think about these thoughts overtaking my head like a spring shower that comes as quick as it goes I realize how many times I screwed up thinking it was wise. Point in case, Justinbustin's education. I was sure homeschooling him was going to bring me the perfect kid, and him the perfect opportunity. He is an AWESOME incredible child, and I have no doubt homeschooling has formed some of who he is. At the same time he is struggling through so many education issues that could've evened out along the way had I trusted the system that's been in place, at least enough trust to put him where a little education repetition wouldn't hurt him. Now he's in that system missing a few pieces of the puzzle he never got from missing it earlier. So we resort to cutting those pieces new and shaping them, at a cost, and hoping we catch up on all the missing pieces in part so that he can fill in the rest on his own with ease, and in part so that he doesn't have to miss anymore.



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