Disorganized

*warning! vent post ahead! a disorganized throw up of my feelings & thoughts*

As I'm looking for items to reorganize my life with, things that I used once on a daily basis e.g. my college study book, my block format for my weekly schedule, my calendar, I am finding evidence of my once organized state. Neatly organized drawers, with books lined up just so. Things exactly as I remember them a year ago when I took the time to figure out what I was doing. As I am going through things I remember putting things there, putting them here. Now for the life of me, I cannot remember WHERE I put anything!! I just spent three hours going through my garages, closets, laundry room, and storage room (and getting distracted for an hour, by the way, for a lost dog and his mommy), and the book I was looking for was RIGHT WHERE I HAD PUT IT A YEAR AGO. In a drawer in my desk. The same place I looked for it originally today, but am so CONVINCED I am so utterly disorganized at this point that nothing will be where I think it is. Turns out it is.

@#$"&%$#

I seriously dislike feeling this way, but am being way too damn stubborn in wanting to take the time to fix it. I feel like it took me four years before, but did it? Really? Did it? Turns out last time it took a year. But you know what? I really don't want to give a year to my house anymore. It's sucked so much from me by being a small place where I have to climb a buttload of stairs walking in and out of it, or even to my garage, a place where I can't leave too much out on my deck, or let my kids play too loud, or fight with my husband without worrying about somebody ELSE that I don't want to give it another damn iota of my energy.

Deja Vu

Last summer I was desperately seeking a job to put food on the table and keep up with our ever climbing debt payments. This summer our debt has dropped significantly, as well as our payments, and we haven't added on to it anymore, but once again I'm back out there seeking a job to put food on the table. Brando stopped working at his second job about a month ago, and we've floated along for awhile. Now though we're starting to use up our emergency fund. e don't communicate well enough for me to hold an evening job and depend on having childcare with enough notice as to whether I will be able to be there on time or at all. I do have the weekends though, and when Brando works Saturday mornings at least I know I need to be prepared childcare wise for those. I resubmitted my application with the staffing company for leas*ng agents I worked with last year and put myself on the schedule for Saturdays and Sundays when those come up.

Last summer was my first math class. This summer I've gone through four classes now, but this is my first official college-level math class. I took the remedial ones before, as I didn't have any highschool math. Now I'm running around with the kids on my heels trying to sell my old textbooks and buy my new ones.

Last summer I was all awry trying to figure out the boys school plans. This summer they are a more figured out much earlier in the year, but I still feel all awry about where I've decided to put them.

Same song, second verse. Sigh. Can't wait until it's a new song.

It's Over!

Finished. Done. The school year for the boys is officially completed! I feel like it was all a dream, half dream with Shawner's schooling, and half nightmare with Justinbustin's schooling. I half sailed and half struggled through and suddenly woke up. It's all over and I'm okay. Shawners graduating is bittersweet and the tears I went to cry the day he graduated came later that evening nonstop for a half hour. They started by an issue we had with Justinbustin's schooling that helped confirm why we are giving public school a go next year and then went from there. The issue with Justinbustin's schooling was a good thing in the end but I am trying so hard not to have a bitter taste in my mouth for his school year! Long story short the school is grading in 3rd grade and expecting perfection, then has a way of giving you the indication you are all alone and not offering any suggestions along the way of how to make it better (oh, besides spending an additional $3000 for a tutor - easy fix) and leaving you completely on your own to struggle through and FINALLY find a way, which we did thank God. We finished the school year strong regardless and is my own private little SHOVE IT without actually saying it and had they offered suggestions or help, it would've been even stronger, and sooner. We had a picnic after school with friends from school, and later sno cones to celebrate the day and the start of summer!

I am SO not a Party Thrower Person

Here's the process I go through when throwing a party:

*think of great, fun exciting idea EVERYBODY will love
*get together details
*start inviting people
*find out main fun, exciting people can't come
*freak out because there's not enough people going to be there
*invite more people
*don't hear back if they can come or not
*invite more people
*find out ALL the extra people I invited CAN come
*freak out because now I have TOO many people coming
*spend the rest of the time until the party beating myself up for inviting too many people, thinking the party is going to be a zoo instead of small and special and I'm going to have to spend too much money for it all any way
*get to the party day
*have a blast

On the flip side, the one time I DIDN'T go through the process of inviting more people there really weren't enough people (Valentine's Day party) and there was a fall out involving one slightly grumpy person, and one slightly not in the groove couple (they had nobody to connect with) because we had a little too much intimate time to concentrate on together : D .

Yeah, I know. I freak out too much about parties. So in throwing Justinbustin's super duper awesome bday party, right now I'm at the find out all the extra people I invited can come and am trying to avoid the freaking out stage but not really succeeding.

Happy Graduation!!!

Shawners graduated kindergarten today!! Oh my gosh, the cuteness is overwhelming. From entering the room to Pomp & Circumstance, to saying what they liked best about kindergarten (centers because you can draw and do fun stuff, and PE because you can play games for Shawners), to saying what they wanted to be when they grow up (a zoo veterinarian for Shawners - GFF I'm going to have to get in touch with Amy to figure out the ropes on that one!!), to their ADORABLE graduation hats, and each child saying one letter of K-i-n-d-e-r-g-a-r-t-e-n. Shawners was "a is for the alphabet we know how to say". There must've been 50 cameras in that room and every single one of them was being used. They celebrated with graduation hats made out of small Reese's peanut butter cups and chocolate covered graham crackers with blue icing for the strings, and I went down to Barton Springs to give myself a moment to feel sad for my baby growing up and his kindergarten days being over.

Get your grill on

Brando has mastered the grill... finally. His Dad grilled a lot while he was growing up, but never with him. Parents teach your kids stuff, dammit!! And learn to do new things so you can teach them those too. Otherwise there's too much fun time wasted when you're all grown up and have to learn it yourself.

ANY way we had a DELICIOUS meal of grilled salmon with avocado salsa, grilled asparagus, and baby greens, snow peas, avocado, and tomato salad with balsamic vinaigrette on Saturday evening after a full day of birthday parties, cake decorating (Shawner's adorable little friend asked if I would decorate his cookie cake after I had put a spider web on his last cake for his just because party he had at his house), and a tournament soccer game for Shawners team who won!

Sunday it was off to church, a lunch with our Sunday School, stopping by to get our awesome new bike rack (so super easy to put on, and you can even open the trunk with it on), and Shawner's final soccer tournament game (which his team also won, and totally kicked b*tt in! They played AWESOME - their best game ever!). Afterwards we went to the ice cream store with the team and the coaches did a trophy ceremony with the kids. It was adorable. We came home and grilled bratwurst with grilled onions and corn on the cob by the pool while the kids swam like seals and we chatted. Yum!

I'm pretty sure we're going to be eating better from now on.

Operation No Shaky B*tt

The other day, actually I think it was Mother's Day, I was standing in my bathroom in my bra and underwear putting on my makeup and my six year old comes up to me and spanks my bootie (off topic, that may sound really bad to some of you, but I grew up in an overly protective household where I NEEEVER saw my Dad without his shirt on, even for swimming, so I tend to try and normalize things - spanking bootie not included, but we're working on that one). Then he promptly says, "You have a shaky b*tt, Mom." Thaaaaanks, hon.

I've been wanting to get out there and exercise any way because I've been eating WAAAAAYYY too much and snacking WAAAAYYYY too much. On top of that, I've actually been eating breakfast, which gives me such a good start of energy that whenever I feel my energy lacking during the day I'll eat a snack. All of that food equals having to work out to keep the bootie from shaking, apparently. And the stomach. Having babies does not do well for keeping my stomach from looking like an empty water balloon when it gains a little weight. Ugh. Of course I can't tell when my clothes are on, but I sure can tell when I sit down or when I'm standing in front of the mirror.

Earlier this week I had a little margie at Chipotle and when I got home I finally felt so yuck weight wise I decided to go for a run. With alternating lunges. Buzzed. Awesome. I was sore for four days. Good thing I remembered to stretch at the beginning, who knows what would've happened. Any way, being that sore and looking that much better even after one run was enough inspiration to get out there AGAIN this morning. I only did one set of lunges. Really, I like being able to walk without having to waddle for the soreness between my legs.

Standing Proud

I am ecstatic to announce that one of the former members of The Original Blog Ring (if we were to give ourselves a title) has RETURNED!! AND she has written a book, which sounds like it is loosely based on her former blog, for young girls striving to become the good in this world but still be a GIRL. Her life has taken her through many avenues and hardships since she last blogged, which, knowing her, she has used it all to learn and share something positive out of it all with others. Check her out at Tall Poppy Club. Welcome back, Tall Poppy!

Happy Mother's Day...

to all you beautiful mothers out there! I hope your day was as fabulous as mine or more so.

I woke up to a whisper in my ear, "It's May 11. Happy Mother's Day, Mom!" from my Shawners. Shawners had come home from school on Thursday with loads of handmade presents for me - a pink and green wooden tulip, a paper plate sunflower, a perfumed giant tissue paper flower, a beaded sign that says MOM, and my favorite a fill-in-the-blanks of why I am special - apparently I am as pretty as a butterfly. I showed Justinbustin the special sheet and told him if he could make one of those for me that would be the best Mother's Day present ever from him. So he wrote me a poem. A beautiful poem where I rock.

The four of us made it to church late, and decided we'd sit outside in the beautiful courtyard and visit with friends and family any way. Turns out we met a girl who asked Brando to be a second shooter at a wedding she's shooting in July. Exciting! 

Other friends at church told us about Shakespeare in the Park playing that afternoon at the neatest Zilker Hillside Theatre where the seating is a gradually banked hill with the stage at the bottom. We changed our lunch plans to down the street from the theatre at one of our favorite places, P. Terry's, grabbed a quick lunch and went to find our spot. Justinbustin is fascinated with these things and wanted to sit up close so I sat with him and Shawners and Brando climbed trees in the background and then eventually went to sit with our friends in the shade. What a beautiful and LONG performance! I am absolutely amazed and enthralled by any type of culture outside of my own. Shakespeare is so much of our culture that I think I enjoyed the Bengali performance we went to a few weeks ago (think Monsoon Wedding and Bride and Prejudice in person) a little bit more. However, I had never seen or read a complete Shakespearean play before (unless you count 10 Things I Hate About You, which I don't think really counts) so this was completely amazing to me. I was surprised at how witty and comedic his writing is!

Given the play was an incredible two and a half hours long the last few hours of the afternoon we spent looking for a bike for Justinbustin's birthday, but with no luck, headed home and relaxed for the evening. A perfect Mother's Day.

Breathe

You know that feeling when you've gone through a really really busy time of your life and all of a sudden *poof* it's over and you sort of don't know what to do with yourself anymore? That's where I'm at right now. The last three weeks involved a birthday party for a girlfriend, more sports games and practices than I care to mention (try 15+), class, homework, company (my parents, Brando's Mom, Brando's Dad and his wife ), homeschooling, studying for my finals, rehearsing for the kids play, the kids play, Grandparent's Day, mini golf, Roller Derby, Brando's birthday, Justinbustin's birthday, planning a baby shower, kayaking with Justinbustin and his friend, and I'm sure there's plenty I'm forgetting.

My final was today and that's a HUGE relief of every spare moment being taken up. Tomorrow is Justinbustin's birthday, the day after that is his final sports games, a birthday party for Shawners to attend, and the baby shower I'm helping to host. But even with all that, between all the company and studying for my final, then having those two over I feel like I'm able to breathe again. At the same time I like the go-go-go lifestyle. I thrive on it. My sister knows that and recommended I make some sort of plan for what I'm going to do with my time on break from school to keep from feeling depressed. So of course I'm looking for what to do next to keep my heart going. In fact, that's what I should be doing right now.