Recently, I have been following an amazing lady on facebook, clicking through the occasional links to her blog posts. I hadn't left any comments until the other day, when I felt led to leave one commending and appreciating her bravery and honesty after reading a second post in a row of hers that touched my heart and tore down to the very bottom hidden pieces of my soul.
Today, I saw another post of hers that touched my heart. It spoke about the little things that eat away at relationships if we let them find their way in. One of the things she talked about was forgiveness, and as I clicked through her Things We Love link and saw she loves The 5 Love Languages book, I left a comment on the same post about the book, The 5 Apology Languages, another fantastic book.
After leaving my comment today, I continued to peruse her facebook looking for other interesting and encouraging articles she may have posted. That's when I found this.
A post on the original comment I had left. Tears welled up and spilled over when I read her post, A Comment from Rose. I don't often leave my real name when commenting on a blog, and, in fact, today I did not leave my real name when I left a comment on her blog. I left my name the first time because I did not want to leave my blog address. I know someone in real life who likes her page, a friend who is the reason I like her page. Today, I said the heck with the friend in real life finding out about my blog. I am so glad I did leave my first name the first time, though, because having my real name addressed was more powerful than I could imagine.
I realized I've been hiding behind my own masks. The masks of this blog, my documented life that I look back on and only see the highlights of, the masks of pictures upon pictures that record amazing moments in my own life. Is it possible to be jealous of one's own life? That's how I feel right now, as I sit here in misery on a Monday morning with my kids all grown up, at the age they are not needing me 90% of the time yet needing 100% of me during that 10% of the time they need me, wondering what my purpose is, reading posts like Deidre's with tears falling down my face realizing I'm not the only one out there feeling purposeless. Realizing I *can* do something even with feeling that way. I'm still not sure what, but every time I read a courageous, heartfelt, raw post like Deidre's, I believe I get a little closer to figuring out what God's purpose for me is, to finding out what gives me energy where I can keep going with every passionate fiber of my being.
One of those purposes being realizing how powerful my words are. This isn't the first post that has been made about a comment of mine I have left. This isn't the first time I've noticed my words have made a difference in someone's life, even sweeping changes in some lives. Instead of feeling fearful of saying something wrong, God fully intends for me to use my voice and the passions he has given me that I am oh so slowly discovering with strength. I'm slowly learning this.
Thank YOU, Deidre, for your post. Thank you for bringing me out of my rut today with a glimmer of hope. We are nothing without hope, and today I needed that hope.
Find Deidre on facebook and on the internet at WifeMomSuperwoman.com .
Signed using my real name for the first time on this blog.