Being perfect

I raised both the boys without grandparents around. Now I'm raising another without grandparents around. Sometimes my heart is broken as a result. Sometimes I just want my mom around. Sometimes I just want to be within a days drive of all our family. My sister out here raised her boys across the street from their grandparents. Sometimes I feel like my boys get to see more of my parents because they'll come to visit us exclusively for a period of time. They've been here for each of the boys birthdays except for last years. They've been here for every Mother's Day, our anniversary, and Thanksgiving because of the ways the dates fall except for last years. Last year, this year, I'm not on top of things and don't have them out here. I'm missing them incredibly.

Logan has eczema. I am slightly freaking out. Okay, a lot. Every person I know who has dealt with eczema with their kid has dealt with a never ending battle. I'm so disappointed in myself for causing it in the first place. I fed him a bunch of foods all at once without giving his little body time to process. Now I don't know what caused it. Not to mention he already had an allergic reaction from doing the same thing last week that refuses to go away.

I've given him probiotics, put weleda on the spots, will stop feeding him anything he hasn't had quite a few times without a reaction, and possibly take him to baby acupuncture to get last weeks reaction to go away but I am so so so disappointed with myself for being crazy with his food options in the first place.

This week I am so off kilter as it is. Brando switched our work spaces around so now we work completely separately from each other - he upstairs, I downstairs. I basically never see him and don't even get to work next to him anymore. It's funny, I'll mention it to him but he won't do anything about it til I break down. Well I'm breaking down. I can barely hang on with both of us working 24/7 as it is. Not even getting to work next to him and now my baby breaking out in exczema is breaking me.