Wednesday, February 09, 2005


I hate being here. I hate it. Hate it. Hate it. I'm being crushed into a person I don't want to be, the person I never was, the person people forced me into being because instead of seeing the good in me. They always always see the bad. Everybody has things they'd rather not be. That doesn't mean you sit there and concentrate on them. They do. Dr. Phil has a definition for these people. It's called the people eater. And I feel like I'm being eaten. And I'm depressed and pissed and want to get the f**k out of here. I want to get back to being me. Some part of me thinks well maybe this is me if this is how I react to this situation. I refuse to believe that it is as much as it feels like it right now. How can ANYthing thrive under these conditions? The truth is they CAN'T. The two siblings I have that chose to stay in this crap are divorced and bitter and hateful and mean. And I've never said that about them but it's the truth. And I don't want to be that way. I feel like I'm shriveling and I can't stand it.



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