I feel like a frog in boiling water, it's soooo comfortable in here but I KNOW I need to go. I'm just scared of what's outside the pot. A new job, possibly twelve hour a day shifts for BOTH of us, a new place and an apartment no less, a new town, new friends. Hell why not just a new life? Oh yeah that's kind of what it is huh?
I feel like I'm dropping all the balls here, and I don't want to, but at the same time I know I need to because I know there's one ball I need to hold up - getting back to getting that new life started. Sometimes I wonder is this the smartest thing and then I convince myself, yes you KNOW it is, it's just terrifying at the same time. I will miss SO much my kids being able to see their grandparents at the drop of a hat. Even when that hat is caught midway and both Oma and I are waiting for the other to call to confirm a kids night sleepover. Even when my parents are running in and out the door so much that my kiddos actually end up spending more time with them when they come out for visits when we live 2000 miles away than when we live WITH them.
We also made our reservations on American last night for the boys and I to fly and I admit it. I am TERRIFIED of flying. I've never really said that before but I am. Especially on American after 9/11 and because they are very unfriendly to kiddos, unless you're lucky. I'm already doing birthing breathing through take off and landing.