Goodbye 2012, Hello 2013

See ya 2012 Gangnam Style!

Enjoy this gangnam style parody I did with my grandma, grandpa, sisters, cousins, and niece, when we went to visit my grandparents in Phoenix and drove up to the Grand Canyon in November.

Don't forget to catch up with where I'm at in life. Oh, so much different than before.

This is 40*cough*30. Life with middle school kids.

Just saw the movie This is 40 with Brando. I don't want to forget how much I relate to that movie right now, so I can look back on this time period in our lives via that movie at a later date and realize how far we have come.

Brando and I figure the basis of the movie has a LOT less to do with the age of the people than the age of the kids. My sister always told me how difficult teenage years are on a marriage, how the trials you go through with teenagers can rip marriages apart. I try to hang onto remembering how difficult teenage years are on a marriage every time we go through another episode of a boy wanting to be a man, yet still wanting to be a boy at the same time. *Almost* everything in that movie Brando and I could relate to, only switch the guy being overwhelmed by girls with the girl being overwhelmed by boys.

The technology issue - totally dealt with and recently. In the process of giving up on the way technology has taken over now. Not in a bad way. In a this is the way our kids live these days so I better figure out a way to work around the technology. Like it or not, my kiddos are learning leadership skills, building communities, buildings, and electrically engineering buildings, all with technology, and playing with their Dad to boot. Just need to work on the active part. Justinbustin does enough when sports are in season. I just don't like doing activity on my own, but I've got to start. The only time they will do something is when I've already done the experience and discipline of doing the experience on my own.

Other thing I relate to is how wonderful time alone is - how time alone as a couple InSTANTLY makes you remember why you fell in love with each other, and wonder why things are so crazy and stressed at home. Also, we relate to the exact feeling of 'we're ba-ack' once you pull up the driveway.

As I told Brando tonight, I think I like movies with the word f*ck a lot. I'm laughing as I'm typing, but seriously, they didn't use the word when they weren't fighting or being funny, and that's really exactly what I do. So hearing that language in those situations is life to me. I almost don't even notice. I remember long ago there was a movie with Mel Gibson that I LOVEd. I recommended the movie to my sis and bro-in-law. Then, they mentioned there was the f word a LOT in that movie. Oops, I didn't even remember. That's also the time I stopped recommending movies to people.

The best part of the movie was the knowing laughs of the couples in the theatre (all couples exactly exemplifying the title) and the different sexes laughing at different scenes. I tried not to die laughing at the farting scene so I wouldn't be calling Brando out. But seriously. I was DYING laughing. DYING I tell ya.

The music conversation? So had that conversation LAST NIGHT. Took Brando through all the songs I like - he says they're mellow and depressing. He took me through the music he likes - I said his music is annoying as hell. Loved seeing that scene thrown in there. Instantly relatable.

Also? The pregnancy scene? COULD SO FREAKING RELATE. Except, of course, mine ended as a chemical pregnancy. But man the sheer terror, wondering what the f*ck was going to happen. I almost wonder if I ever got pregnant again if I might not tell Brando for awhile just to keep from falling apart again. That would actually work better for me. I'm already not drinking any way. He wouldn't know the difference until we had a few months left haha.

The sex conversation? Okay, well we don't exactly have the conversation like they did, but sex is still an issue. I want more sex than he can handle. And you know why? He's stressed as f*ck taking care of his family. And in the moments he happens to not be stressed, he blows my mind. Like last night. Eight orgasms. Um, yeah. But when stress is high? Forgedaboudit.

No, but seriously, as depressing as this may sound, This is 40 (aka Life with middle school kids) made me feel better about life. If they're making a movie out of all this stress - financial, kids, parents, all of these stresses - that means this part of life is actually way more normal than people talk about. I already realized so, but don't know how to make other people realize so because all the behind-the-scenes is SO NOT talked about. Everybody thinks your prince is supposed to come and take you away. Well, they do. But then life happens. And it's stressful as f*ck. And somehow you get through marriage and life any way with a laugh and a f*ck, literal and verbal. And your prince is still there in the end. And THAT's what matters.

By the way, middle school life is where I'm at these days. Blogging, you're on the back burner. Oh, how I miss you. But when my kids don't need me 90% of the time these days, being there 100% during the 10% of the time they do need me is my priority. And I love it. Wife. Mom. Superwoman. That's me.

Life. Recycled.

Just came across this old post below. Melted my heart as I realize these words ring truer and truer every passing day.

As I've been adjusting my blog and making information more up-to-date and easily accessible, I've come across old posts which have left me reflecting on where my blog has ventured along with me the last five years. My boys have grown up on this blog. From our days of toddlerdom, to home-schooling, to ventures through private school, and now public school. We've gone from the days of yore where we had nothing to do but fill our days with adventures to the duck pond, to the park, to Sea World, and fun trips. Reading over these posts, I feel a bit nostalgic for those days.

My life now is filled with three amazing men (okay, one's still working on the man part, but he's sure got the amazing boy part down) whose lives have grown individually outside of mine. 

One is a manager at a bank, a photographer, an amazing lover and husband, does almost everything in the house, amazing travel and adventure partner. One is a boy scout almost to first class,

a volunteer, a leader, involved in youth group, loves to text when he can get a hold of a phone, builds web-sites, creates movies, creates Power Point presentations. One is an excellent communicator, creative solution maker, lover of all things animals,

organized as much as an adult, creator of new spaces exactly to how he prefers them, runner. All these things I mentioned are things that weren't there five years ago when I started this blog. Who knew those lazy, fabulous, wonderful, precious, quality days of yore would lead to the amazing men I have in my life today? My heart bursts simultaneously with pride, love, an ache for the simpleness of those days, and an awe for the complexity and fulfillment of todays days. The men in my life surround me with amazingness each day, and though it no longer is captured in a photo of a precious hand reaching out to feed a duck, or a curled up sleeping baby on a pillow, or toddling little feet running to check out the newest sight, or eyes searching to find the airplane in the sky, it is reflected in the choices they make, the wonder of possibility in their eyes, the moments and the art they create, and the effect of their presence on others. Boys, I am SO proud of you. All three of you. You continuously blow my mind in every wonderful way possible.

Words Strengthen the Heart

Recently, I have been following an amazing lady on facebook, clicking through the occasional links to her blog posts. I hadn't left any comments until the other day, when I felt led to leave one commending and appreciating her bravery and honesty after reading a second post in a row of hers that touched my heart and tore down to the very bottom hidden pieces of my soul.

Today, I saw another post of hers that touched my heart. It spoke about the little things that eat away at relationships if we let them find their way in. One of the things she talked about was forgiveness, and as I clicked through her Things We Love link and saw she loves The 5 Love Languages book, I left a comment on the same post about the book, The 5 Apology Languages, another fantastic book.

After leaving my comment today, I continued to peruse her facebook looking for other interesting and encouraging articles she may have posted. That's when I found this.

A post on the original comment I had left. Tears welled up and spilled over when I read her post, A Comment from Rose. I don't often leave my real name when commenting on a blog, and, in fact, today I did not leave my real name when I left a comment on her blog. I left my name the first time because I did not want to leave my blog address. I know someone in real life who likes her page, a friend who is the reason I like her page. Today, I said the heck with the friend in real life finding out about my blog. I am so glad I did leave my first name the first time, though, because having my real name addressed was more powerful than I could imagine.

I realized I've been hiding behind my own masks. The masks of this blog, my documented life that I look back on and only see the highlights of, the masks of pictures upon pictures that record amazing moments in my own life. Is it possible to be jealous of one's own life? That's how I feel right now, as I sit here in misery on a Monday morning with my kids all grown up, at the age they are not needing me 90% of the time yet needing 100% of me during that 10% of the time they need me, wondering what my purpose is, reading posts like Deidre's with tears falling down my face realizing I'm not the only one out there feeling purposeless. Realizing I *can* do something even with feeling that way. I'm still not sure what, but every time I read a courageous, heartfelt, raw post like Deidre's, I believe I get a little closer to figuring out what God's purpose for me is, to finding out what gives me energy where I can keep going with every passionate fiber of my being.

One of those purposes being realizing how powerful my words are. This isn't the first post that has been made about a comment of mine I have left. This isn't the first time I've noticed my words have made a difference in someone's life, even sweeping changes in some lives. Instead of feeling fearful of saying something wrong, God fully intends for me to use my voice and the passions he has given me that I am oh so slowly discovering with strength. I'm slowly learning this.

Thank YOU, Deidre, for your post. Thank you for bringing me out of my rut today with a glimmer of hope. We are nothing without hope, and today I needed that hope.

Find Deidre on facebook and on the internet at WifeMomSuperwoman.com .

Signed using my real name for the first time on this blog.

Rose

Sailing Monterey Bay

Sailing. My favorite activity in the world, yet I can't seem to bring myself to get excited about spending seven days on a cruise ship next summer. At least we will be near the shore in an intensely gorgeous place covered with glaciers and wildlife, the likes of which I don't see here. I do love the shore view. Watching the shore is one of the most intense relaxing moments for me while sailing. The few times I went to Alaska as a child, the memories of the glaciers, the bald eagles, the moose, the ice sculptures, still stand out in my mind. I don't have a lot of childhood memories that are picture perfect and clear as if they were yesterday, but Alaska is one of them. How do you feel about sailing? How do you feel about cruises? Ever taken a cruise to Alaska? Convince me to go!

Now this, the boat below, I could spend seven days on, a short swim from shore and lazily tanning on the deck, sipping drinks, taking in the sights.

Harbors are such a peaceful place. Sailing out of the Santa Cruz, California, harbor into the wild blue yonder, with rows upon rows of boats patiently waiting for their owners to arrive and take them on another wet wonderland adventure,

 sails dancing in the sunshine, providing dappled shade for those below.

 Shawners gazing out upon the wonders nature has to hold,

 boats with their sails blustering in the wind, flying creatures that also happen to float perfectly well, hazy mountains,

 smooth shores along the ragged cliffs,

 Walton lighthouse with the beach just beyond to one side, the harbor on the other,

the wharf, a sight to see, buildings suspended over water,

 the perfect gazing spot,

 a safe harbor for barking seals.

A more romantic place for me, I could not imagine, except perhaps the beach Brando proposed to me at - less than a mile north along the shoreline.

 Sailing, my favorite place in the world.

Silliness ensues after the water lulls me into a relaxed state of being I never want to leave.

 My view as I sat across from my family.

 My Mom doing the Titanic with the boys.

 Doing our own version of Titanic. Yes, I did the arms.

 Feels like we're alone on the ocean, suspended over water.

 Gazing upon the water, looking for a jellyfish. One will come my way.

Hearst Castle

Thought I'd pop in and say hello! It's been super quiet over here due to my super business which resulted in prioritizing said blog lower on the totem pole.

Keep your eye out for an online book tour stop here on yours truly blog from a good friend, Samira Hodges, author of Milestones young adult novel, about her recently released sequel, Milestones Return to Camp.

In the meantime you can make up your own stories about the vastly intriguing Hearst Castle with breathtaking views of the Pacific Coast which we recently visited on our vacation down the Pacific Coast Highway. If you ever have the chance to go, go. The most breathtaking coastal views I have ever seen viewable the entire drive up to the European style castle and from the entire western side of the building alone are worth it. And I had just driven south on the Pacific Coast Highway from Monterey and Carmel, through Big Sur to Pismo Beach.