1. I have group anxiety. It's not quite the same as social anxiety, and according to Google I'm the only one who's coined it as such. It has similar symptoms as social anxiety, but pertains only to groups. Whenever I am in a group of people I don't know, or a group of people who have not met each other I get intensely anxious and stress about it up until the very moment. I first discovered this a few years back when I met up with a couple girls. One of the girls had invited a few of us she didn't know very well and one friend she did know. I ended up feeling very awkward and quiet and stressed about trying to stay in the conversation I really had no care too, and had the WORST time. It was horrible. Fortunately, directly after that I went to meet my now BF Kels for the first time and had an absolutely amazing, fun, laughing our arses off time. I realized then that it wasn't necessarily the girls (altho I wouldn't have had as much with them as I do with Kels), but it was the group environment, and the fact that I didn't know a one of them very well at all. Since then I have noticed it when I go into groups such as a class, or a new school for my children, or an organization I have chosen to be a part of but don't know anybody. I get gripped with a fear that I will have to hold my own and be a part of a conversation I a) know nothing about or b) care nothing about. People actually think I'm mad when I go to weddings, clubs, or the like because I get very quiet and stressed and it shows. I've been trying to replace the stress with a smile so I can at least fake it til I make it which doesn't take long, but I'm still working on that! My little one has acquired it as well, and gets terrified that people are looking at him when he goes into new groups. Once they start playing he usually gets along fine, but that initial moment is so overwhelming for him. Actually in kindergarten he sat by the side all of recess the entire year, and half the year in PE. He eventually got into it, but he just had no interest until he was completely comfortable. That's really the way I am, I may stress about it but the truth is I'm completely comfortable by myself until I have had time to adjust to those around me. I've also noticed for me it comes across in a more adult way of being terrified of change. I am sick and tired of starting my life over, and I just don't want to do it one. more. time. Not with my kids' school, not with where we live, not with Brando's work, not with my work. I'm just done!! I had the realization this morning that they may have more to do with my group anxiety than just being afraid of change. I am tired of having to create a new life.
2. I would eat sandwiches and salads every day of the week if I could. I hate most dressings and would be okay with Italian or oil and vinegar any day of the week. This leads me to number
3. I wasn't feeding my kids enough last year. I fed them what I ate (see above). Note to self (and you, if you're a health freak parent like I used to be): kids need fat. It's one of the four essential nutrients: carbohydrates, protein, calories, and fat. Oh, yes, all those things we adults mostly avoid, who knew kids need them to grow?! So I've been using the food pyramid and been trying to catch Shawners' up on as much as I can get his little body to eat. If you're curious on what children need to eat AFTER they are 7 since the baby books only go up to age 5, check out the Food Guide Pyramid
worksheet for kids. This thing is awesome, and Shawners has been eating SO much better since I discovered it. It's also neat for him to realize when he eats something like crackers, pretzels, ice cream, or chips, it doesn't have a slot on the nutrition guide and therefore it's not really helping him "grow". It also gives you equivalents of required items so there's no guess work involved in guessing how much cheese involves how many servings or cups of dairy. We've actually been measuring his food, just so we can understand how much an actual cup of milk, 1/2 cup of fruit, an ounce of cheese is. It's not too difficult to fill out that whole sheet, it's just a matter of the food being available and offering fruit and veggies for snacks instead of the fillers. He loves avocado and artichokes and the worksheet has inspired me to keep those on hand more since we can add to his worksheet for those!
4. My vice is Blue Bell ice cream. I've always justified my ice cream addiction as being my calcium intake, since I don't like and don't eat milk and yogurt. My favorite is natural vanilla bean with chocolate syrup - Hershey's or hot fudge, depending on my mood. Cookies and Creme, and Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough are a close second. Blue Bell is mostly natural, so I feel like it makes up for the fact that it's ice cream : ) . Dreyer's, and Ben and Jerry's on the other hand, I feel fat after eating. Yuck.
5. All the things I did when my kids were little? I realized they aren't going to remember them. Except maybe through this blog. There are so many unique events in Austin we attended a few years ago when they were smaller (and freeer - that's not a word) that they barely remember, if at all. When I see those events coming up now I think in my head we've already done that. But they don't remember they did it, and honestly have the things they aren't even interested in. I guess smaller children don't have much choice in what you do and where you go!! Tough realization for my exploring habits. Although I do drag them along despite their opinions if it's something I really want to do!! In contrast, I'll also be willing to be dragged along if it's something they really want to do.
6. I have home-schooled my children, put my children in private school, and now have them in public school. So far I like public school the best. For various reasons covered
here, but I don't think I actually said that. I'm not sure if I covered the reasons I like public school the best, so if you're curious right now it's because they allow you to give your best. I felt the private school pulled the best out of you tooth and nail and nothing you ever did was good enough. People actually learned to be okay with doing a mediocre job of what was asked of them because they always asked too much. I feel public school gives you the opportunity to go above and beyond if you choose to. On top of that, in our school district, they really gear the education towards the individual child instead of putting them all in a box. Which is what I wanted to accomplish with homeschool, hoped to accomplish with the specialized private school, and got with the public school. Yes they teach the kids the same thing, but at that individual child's level. It helps that Justinb's teachers live in my apartment community, and that I've become good friends with them.
7. My first trip to Hawaii was when Justinb was four months old. He learned to roll over in a playpen ten feet from the ocean. I went as a nanny with the family I babysat for and had a blast. The mom was, unbeknownst to me, slowly re becoming an alcoholic on that trip and we would go out and party and have a blast. I was 16 and we had a system of ordering drinks where I would get just as plastered as her. It wasn't Germany, but it felt like it. We hung out like the friends we were, and I would lay by the beach and drink mai tai's when her and her husband went out.
8. I grew up not being able to wear pants or shorts. I wore skirts and culottes, those weird half skirts half shorts half pants but not at all cute like capris. That all ended about age 14. I was also not allowed to be friends with boys. That also ended about age 14. I wasn't allowed to listen to any music with a beat. Yep, that ended about 14, too. Moral of the story is, don't put your kids in a box, they may end up like me. Heh heh.
9. I don't always want to live in Texas. I would love to be back in California someday. Just when my kids are grown and not subdued by the craziness that is the S*nta Cr*z lifestyle. My parents could afford to shelter me from the lifestyle 90% of the population live there, and for a part of it I'm glad they did, another part not so much, especially when I WAS old enough to make my own decision. But my kids would be in the throes of it, because that's about where we could afford to live and send them to school. So here I stay.
10. Okay, for this one, seriously, those of who have no idea what it's like to never try anything, please don't judge me for not having tried anything. I don't judge you, please don't judge me. All the more power to you if you have tried things and not gotten hooked on it, or have and have got off of being hooked on them! You're a stronger person for it. If you currently do recreational p*t, well, I drive past the speed limit and you don't kill people when you drive, so I still don't judge. I have tons of friends who sm*ke p*t, love them to pieces, have no interest. I've seen it, smelled it, touched it, sat next to people sm*king it, and have no interest. Except for my best girl who has done it only once, I maybe would do it with her, somewhere on vacation (disclaimer) where it's leg*l *cough*, but other than that have no interest. For that matter, anything else on that board, which I have absolutely no interest in, even with my best girl.
I tag my A*stin girlies who I have yet to meet and hear all these things in person...
Wow, that was a lot of work to tag and comment, but I'm about to comment on every single one of your blogs. So it was totally worth it : ) . Go me!
