Honesty

After seeing meme-and-he's post, I feel it necessary to share with you all that I've been a little down since our last trip. Every little moment was loaded with family, and it makes me question my whole existence here.

Why am I so far away? Seriously, a three and a half hour plane ride makes a very long drive.

What benefit is it to my kids, any way? Yeah, they're fantastic kids but wouldn't they be if they lived there, too.

Will my kids ever be able to grow up around their grandparents? I thought they would... one day.

Why is it so darn hot in Austin this year? I didn't move here for this.

I've retreated inward these last two weeks and haven't really cared. It culminated last night when I lashed out at my sister, the one family I do have here, probably as a result of her being the majority of the reason we choose to stay here and me sadly holding that against her in some way, and gave her crap for not coming to our house enough. Can we say lonely much? And childish. Today, I have to apologize and I'm not looking forward to it. Mostly because it means I have to pick up the phone. That thing has not been my friend lately.

In moments like these, everything feels so overwhelming: I don't like Justinbustin's teachers this year, I pushed to keep him in band and now he has an expensive instrument and the 'crappy' team of teachers and we're $144 more broke every month, Shawners is this year going again to a school built in a chemical building whereas he wanted to homeschool earlier, but the minute I whipped out the work he says this is too hard, I want to go to school and now he's in that building for another year, the vapors in Justinbustin's gym from the wax gives me a headache every time there's a parent meeting (and there's been many) which makes me worry about the kids working out in there and breathing them in.

Those last two factors are actually overwhelming over all - if my kids' health is in jeopardy, what does it matter where we live?

Moments like these make me want to pack up and move home. Or move somewhere.

Moments like these make me want something new, anywhere.

On a bright note, vent over! If Justinbustin's teachers end up being truly crappy, I won't stop til' they switch teachers for him. If Shawner's has a headache for a month at the beginning of school again this year, I will pull him out and homeschool and find a way to make it where he WANTS to homeschool, and sneak in the hard work when he's not looking. I will email the principal of the school, not just the counselor, and mention the needed ventilation of the gym once again. I will apologize to my sister, and I will find something to be involved in on top of this gig I run called parenting to get myself out of my head.

 And because babies make me smile lately, I leave you with a picture of my brand new niece.

And to end with the words of Fabulous Drinks Austin- seems like there's a lot of this going around lately: "Please know the post was not meant for self pity, just want to be real and honest with my fabulous readers." Ditto, girl.

Why Do You Read Blogs?

I read blogs to connect. To feel I'm normal. To know that what I'm going through, somebody else has already gone through or is going through it, and they are okay. And I will be, too.

Just this morning I came across this post from Young House Love about their parents selling their childhood home and downsizing. Albeit, in this case, they are downsizing a lot closer to where their children and grandchildren are, but still. Their childhood home is going away.

This morning I was in tears and vented to Brando (poor guy) about how it just hit me that his mother is selling his childhood home. The one the boys and I have grown to love the last ten years. The one we've visited and stayed in every time we go to California. The one with the beautiful guest room we give a little happy sigh to be in every time we plop our suitcases on the floor and fall down on the down-comforter covered bed in happy relief to be away from the stress of real life.

The one where the boys have only this last trip or two discovered the secluded little hill and and trees tucked in between a few houses next to hers and the campus of UCSC where Brando and his brother used to play and climb and now beg to go there each time we visit. The one where I look around at all the happy memories and happy collectibles some might call clutter but are so lovingly placed and dust free (HOW does she do it?!) that it couldn't pass as clutter if it tried.

She's packing all those things up in boxes and getting them ready for an estate sale, minus anything we would like. I'm making a list of things that are the most special that I would love to have in my house to look at and smile every day - like the paintings she bought in Sundance when I first met Brando and she had taken Justinbustin and I to Utah with them for Thanksgiving at her sisters, and the painting that has XOXO and a rose on it that she commissioned Brando's good friend and Shawner's namesake to paint for her. I'm so visual I wish I had taken pictures of her home before she packed it all up. Perhaps I can scrounge up a mish-mash from photos of the boys taken in the home, and be content with the happy, happy memories there in the meantime.

My heart is breaking a little to know that this place of comfort won't be there any longer. But I realize she will make wherever she is home, and wherever she is we will have a place to stay. I wish I could say she was coming here to our city, but it looks like she will be moving closer to Aptos, the place I grew up in.

Reading Young House Love's post put it all in perspective again, and reminded me, like I had already realized but am having trouble remembering as it's happening, that all parents downsize when their children grow up and leave the home whether they are in an ugly situation (hers is) or not. I'm not alone in dealing with this situation. It's easier for me to see that they will be okay, and as I realize they will be okay, I realize I will be okay, too.

Tell me, why do you read blogs?

Romantic Update

Been having an AMAZING trip thus far. Got massages yesterday - not because I needed one but because Brando did after snowboarding. She worked really, really hard on one knot and worked me over pretty good all over. I walked away sore and now, I've been up and in pain since 3am - catching up on the Bachelor while I'm at it harhar. ARGH. I am hoping I recover tomorrow because we still have so MUCH to do these next few days and they're the days Brando and I have alone - our time alone started on Thursday and it's only Friday! If not, it's been an amazing trip already and I hope I can be content with that.

PS We went ATV riding and drove in our car on the BEACH today. Seriously, I should be SO happy with that if that's all I get to do, right?!!

Back Update

*random photos added of outfits I've been having fun coming up with and taking pictures of mostly because that's in my realm of activities right now and, also, to make the reading more bearable : ) *

See the first update here.

Sent March 1, 2011

To My Bloggirls,

Turns out a ten year old mattress may have irritated or even began the issue, and a stuck rib complicated matters. Who knew you need to replace your mattress after ten years, especially after it sags like a hammock on each side which is apparently very, very horrible support for your back? Except for mattress firm who tries to gross us out with the fact. Thanks to my sister in Cali for spending time on the phone with me in tears and relating her and her husband's experience with a bad mattress and bad backs for helping me figure it out. We had already ordered a new mattress that we got in on Saturday as I realized how uncomfortable I was after the back problem started, but after talking to her we started sleeping sideways on our old mattress which got me back to functioning, at least. The days have been better with the new mattress, but the nights are still miserable without Advil.

To lounge around the house and soon to wear poolside, my favorite recent find

As far as the stuck rib, after my initial massage I felt a sharp pain in the middle of my back close to where I had an injury two years ago. My masseuse mentioned it might be a stuck rib and said it was easy to undo with running the palm of her hands up my back. Which she did so, and there was an immediate pop and release of the pain. Brando has done it a few times since then. This morning he told me it took such light pressure to do and told me how to do it myself this morning on the door jam. So strange! While I'm a little disconcerted that it keeps getting stuck, I am relieved that at least there's a way to put it back. I will ask her how to keep it from getting stuck when I see her for my next massage.

What I *wanted* to wear when going to watch the sunset with one of my very favorite girlfriends this weekend, Mere, and her hubby at Oasis, then out to eat at NXNW.

I have also been doing physical therapy exercises from a booklet the doctor handed me at my first doctor appointment for this issue, and hopefully that is helping to strengthen my back. If it continues, I have a referral to a specialist that I will make an appointment for.

It was one of my Valentine's present from Brando (edited to add: present, yes, but from a shopping spree that I went to town on and chose :) .... except for the nighttime items and necklace that is) ! It was a little too fancy though. I ended up wearing this, instead.

Regarding going out - here's the thing. I still have a LOT of trouble sitting, as in I watched the Oscar's, but was up and moving around during every commercial break to keep the pain at bay. Walking helps a LOT which is why you see lots of mild hiking photos from us recently. It helps that Brandon drives me there and home. When I sit at the computer I make sure to do my exercises to keep my posture correct and take lots of breaks. Otherwise, I've been saving my drive time and energy for having to drive the boys around as is necessary and run errands for food and household items. So, if you want to get out and enjoy the flat ground of nature for a short time and pick me up on top of that, give me a ring. Otherwise, I'll probably stay in my little cocoon where I at least know which chair I'm comfortable in and can get up and move around when needed :) .

The grey sash with metal chains was another Valentine's present from Brando that I absolutely adore

Also, I'm sorry I haven't been more communicative - I've been dealing with a lot of stress from people passing away in my friend's lives - so many that are close to me has had somebody close to them pass on in the past month. Mostly, my childhood best friend's brother who was so very young at forty-three passed away and I have been in such shock, on top of which I haven't wanted to share it with anyone because they are going through their own stressors. I'm having a hard time just telling you now, so please don't talk to me about it. I'm having a really hard time accepting that the one family member in her life who loved her unconditionally is no longer with us, and I'm hoping that it brings the rest of her family close together but it makes me fall apart just thinking about it. I've noticed my back instantly takes on the stress and so I have been literally avoiding talking to people about those things and even avoiding thinking about them to save taking on the stress. I will get to see my best friend in March and hopefully will be able to just cry for her and be there for her then and get it all out of my system.

xo

My kick ass shoes that I bought with a three year old birthday gift card. Have I mentioned how horrible I am at spending gift cards?! I sure get fantastic finds when I finally do spend them, though.

Edited to add: In the meantime I've been having fun buying concert tickets, and using my new to me but Brando's old camera on our flat ground hikes, and evenings out with Brando. Can't wait to post even more of the photos!

To my In-Town Girls, and, now, my Blog Girls :)

*random photos of the boys' Valentine's parties & my flowers from Brando for V Day to make the reading bearable*

Sent February 10, 2011

Hi girls,

Because I'm sick and tired about lamenting about my physical inabilities lately, I thought I'd send you an email rather than a phone conversation where I pretend nothing is wrong because I don't want to whine about myself again.
Monday morning I got up after a phone conversation and couldn't stand up straight due to lower back pain. I don't know why. The only things I can think of are my recent ventures into rock climbing and then shoving a dresser around by myself on Saturday, perhaps it could've been several phone conversations with stressful news where I absolutely didn't watch my posture. The only time I've ever had lower back pain is when I was pregnant with Shawnes, and I am not pregnant. No matter.
I went to the doctor on Tuesday to do what FINALLY healed my back after a month of pain when I injured it working out two years ago. So hopefully I am spearheading the pain this time and won't be out of commission for a month like last time. Regardless, I've definitely been out of commission this week and am SO PISSED because one of my very closest friends is going away in a few days for a while, and another friend is moving in a few months, so my time with them? Non-existent at this point. Not to mention even less time with other girlfriends.
Last week, I took a self-imposed need to make sure life is in order time. Since then, I feel like it's being forced upon me - first with the snow day, then Justinbustin being sick, and now my back, and I am none too happy about it.
I hope you all can forgive me for not being available this week like I so wanted to be. Promise this will be the only whine email you will hear - all from the comfiness of my bed (which, by the way, did you know comfiness can get annoying?). Feel free to send chocolate, flowers, and hugs my way :) . In the meantime, I hope you'll forgive me as I have nothing to give right now.

xo

Update sent February 16, 2011

Hi girls,

While I wrote this email to Jae last night after I neglected to get back to her when she offered to bring us dinner last Sunday and then sent another email to check up on me, and so it's written as if to her and may be a little confusing, but I thought you'd appreciate the update as well.
The weekend went well and I was on my way to recovery. Then, on Monday, the boys had Valentine's parties. I normally always go to their parties and help out if I can, and thought I was doing well enough to do so this time. Only I ended up helping out with Shawner's for two hours, bending over the whole time. Still, I convinced myself that I would be fine. Not so this morning. I realized today that Brandon took care of me over the weekend which was why I was on my way to recovering. I don't take very good care of myself I'm realizing, tending to overdo it way too soon.
I am definitely feeling cooped up. I had a few good sobs today, and am sure there will be more tomorrow. I really, really dislike feeling this way. On top of that, the meds continue to make me loopy and are starting to break me out worse than I've ever seen.
But! I am trying to keep my head up. KT brought me chocolate and flowers on Saturday - actually we ended up running into her at the massage place on total accident and she had them in her car, about to bring them over to me. Brando had set up the massage in the first place, so both of those were heartening, as well as your email, and Li had offered to bring me chocolate martinis on Friday (I skipped girls night last week, and will this week as well as we changed the day for Valentine's Day) - though I declined as I don't think alcohol and what I'm taking would do well). On Sunday, I was able to say goodbye in person to my friend who is leaving for a month, and am grateful to have seen her before she left. I've been on facebook a bit, and chatted with one other friend.
The thing about stress like this is it can make all other problems seem way bigger, and that is what is happening today. Difficulties with Justinbustin at school, Brando's work, careless things at home the kids forgot to do, even just managing dinner and groceries - which is why, I just realized, I definitely should've taken you up on your offer! Brando and I are at each other's throats again tonight, which doesn't help matters, but the matters don't help it either, so it's just more stress.
As an update to this email from last night, I am trying to be good about taking everything way easy and take care of myself as if Brando were taking care of me, even when he's not here. I took Advil a few hours ago, so I'm not really sure if I feel good or I just can't feel most of it. Any way, I will continue taking what I'm supposed to take until everything stops hurting. I haven't broke down in tears yet today, so that's a plus!

Oh How I Miss Being Able To Be Computer Obsessed

My arm has started acting up again. Perhaps I never mentioned that it has been acting up. I was doing a good thing and volunteering for a local low cost veterinary clinic. One of my activities was sending out emails for three hours straight on a very non-ergonomic computer setup. Read: missing arm rest on my right side, and a thumb clicker mouse. I knew I needed to stop while sending the emails. My back hurt something fierce, but, just like me, I kept going. I had three hours and darn it all I was going to finish it.

The next day my arm starting hurting. Three doctors visits later and possible diagnosis of carpal tunnel syndrome, and tendonitis, I find out it's radial nerve compression syndrome which translates to a nerve being irritated causing lots of burning, numbness, tightness, and eventually shoulder soreness.

Four months later and weeks of braces and occupational therapy appointments later it still flares up as bad as it did in the beginning. When I went on vacation, it felt amazing. Back to normal! When I got back I conveniently forgot my occupational therapist appointments, fell off my exercises train, and went straight back into facebooking and blogging mode like a kid in a candy store. Immediately, it flared up back to square one, and now the therapist has told me I need to stay off the computer more or be looking at surgery. Either way, she let me know I'll be dealing with this for a long while - the next ten years while. I see her again tomorrow and I am bound and determined to keep up the exercises I need to, stay off facebook as much as I can (five minutes a week shouldn't hurt and is really all facebook needs), blog quickly and effectively, and get my arm healed!!

I don't know, something amazing I guess

At any one point in time something amazing is happening in the world. This weekend I have been so grateful for my something amazing happening right here, right now in my own quiet little world. It doesn't appear to be amazing to the outside world, or to me even. It being time with my family, my amazing hubby who bends over backwards for me doing everything I shouldn't be doing, the massage he scheduled not once, not twice, but three times simply because I didn't feel up to going to the first two appointment times he had scheduled, the movies and treats he ran out to get, the massages he gave me, the plans he made with the boys, the outings he planned with all of us. These are truly precious to me. I'm glad I had a whole weekend where I was literally forced to sit back and experience them. A small piece of what my life would be without me making the plans and dictating what we do, just sitting back and enjoying. I love the amazing, too, and can not WAIT to get back to it, but I have so enjoyed the quiet amazing this weekend.

As far as being literally forced to enjoy the weekend, or actually four day vacation (yay, Brando!), going to the chiro literally made my back so bad I woke up in tears the next morning and was heavily drugged for the next two days just to bear the pain. The original pain is gone I think unless the all over back pain that replaced it once I went to the chiro is drowning out the original pain. It has slowly gotten better by taking muscle relaxants and not doing ANYthing to make it worse and I'm so hoping it will heal completely soon!

The title quote is for Sami... can anyone guess where it came from?

Healing

So remember my working out stint? Well, somehow I managed to injure myself during that. Yes, personal trainer and all, I injured myself. I was doing something like laying on my back and lifting a weight with my arms outstretched from behind my head to my toes. Would have been smart of me to only do it five times or so. Instead I did it twenty in a row. When I got up I felt a pang in my back and said OUCH. I thought I only bruised it but two weeks later it is still hurting. I went to the chiropractor today and it feels better, the pain is more dispersed and less intense instead of concentrated in one area. My shoulder had started to hurt as well, and at least that has stopped. I'll have to go back again tomorrow for another $25 co-pay. Ugh. Sure drains our budget those seemingly innocent $25 co-pays. Hopefully it pays off!

Oh and exactly where her hands are is where it hurts! Ouchies!

Trying to keep my head above water

This summer is totally not working out work wise as I had hoped. I had several jobs that I THOUGHT were going to carry me thru the first few weeks of June, but not so much. I did help out with a wedding and got paid a decent amount for that. When I had first offered I wasn't even thinking I was going to be paid so that was a nice surprise. Plus it was so much FUN. I had a few jobs lined up with the people that I nannied for over the school year, but tomorrow's fell thru because they're sick. This weekend I was supposed to watch her overnight but they just sold their condo and are having to come up with money to pay the other realtor as they only broke even on what they owed. So that may fall through. I REALLY don't want to do the leasing agent thing again. My last two jobs sucked. But you know what? Reading that post makes me rethink it. All of the other jobs I had I loved. I may just have to put those two jobs on my no work list (not that I have one, but I could make one!). Plus, the boys are old enough to stay home for a few hours by themselves so we don't have to rush around trying to find a babysitter three Saturdays out of the month when Brando will work to noon.

Any way, I have a meetup with several moms tomorrow evening, so I'm hoping that will line up a job or two. I've signed up with a nanny agency, but wow, it is intense and I'm not really sure if I want to be that intense about nannying!! Sheesh, just need a little extra money, not permanent placement (that sounds SO forboding). Cross your fingers for me! I don't want to spend all summer stressed about that little extra bit that we need to come in to survive!!

So Flippin' UNmotivated

People, Shawners has FIVE more days of school left. FIVE. And I am sitting on my ARSE avoiding every moment doing school with him that I can. Our afternoon is going to be filled up with school, only because I am wayyyy more an afternoon person. That is, when I don't eat breakfast, and long story short, I've forgotten to eat breakfast for the last two months!! I think I stopped when I started feeling like I was gaining too much weight. Ugh.

One productive thing I did today was go to his meet the teachers at Justinb's school, where Shawners will be next year. Wow, the variation in teachers threw me for a loop! All the way from fresh out of college and clueless, young but knew what she was doing, to been there way too long and shows it, to been there way too long and knows exactly what to do. The latter seems the best option for me, just because sometimes I feel like I have no clue what I am doing and need someone who really does to guide not only my kid, but me, along. Shawners and I ended up liking the same teachers. So now I put the names down for my "unsuggestion" and cross my fingers. I missed the meet the teachers for Justinb on Monday because of work, but I'm hoping his current teacher will know where to send him. Plus, Jen, his sub, already gave me a clue as to who is good. And she was spot on with Shawner's teachers.

Other than that productivity, I've spent way too much time on the phone, half hazardly picked up the house and it still looks like a wreck, and had Shawners working on his room for the last hour (yes, it's that bad. That and he's a sweet little organizer, so he's decluttering and organizing at the same time).

Off to be productive!

What a week

We've been debating back and forth over going to California this weekend for my parent's anniversary. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, considering the swine flu (so much of it is fear mongering - but do you have kids that like to pick their noses, chew on their fingers, and constantly touch their face? 'nuff said), job schedules, and school schedules. Finally we decided we'd go, but we'd come back early. Now, we're waiting on Brando to find out if he can even get off early today to catch the flight!!! Agh!!! So frustrating not knowing if I'm going or not!! I guess I'll get started on my list, and just be a little more disappointed if we're NOT going than if I wasn't packed and we weren't going. On top of that, this morning I woke up with a gunky feeling throat and the sniffles. The two beers and the random jager bomb somebody purchased the girls Brando works with and I, plus the Crunch bar and Runts I stole from Brando, last night probably didn't help.

Update: Brando is not able to get off work. Having a job right now is more important than being there. It sucks, and I will probably cry for the next two hours about it, but it's life.

PSD

is having a sh*t ass day. I don't even want to go into the details of what I have accomplished today.

Somedays

Somedays I just don't like being a mom. Like the days when both the kids have off school and I am reminded of what a tornado my house was when both of them were home all the time. The constant noise where I want to plug an ipod in my ears and turn it up so I can't hear a thing but the music. Like when the dog we are watching runs off and the kids take off after him halfway down the half mile long sidewalk before I finally catch up with them and talk the dog very firmly into stopping. Like when I lecture my kids on not CHASING dogs when you want them to come back. They think it's a game and run even faster. You have to get a treat or tell them firmly to stop (of course, sometimes that doesn't work either and then you're sol). Like when my oldest says it's the baddest day ever because I got on their case for chasing the dog so far away from their house. Really, really?! What about the last 4 hours or the next 6, are those the baddest ever, too? I get SO po'd when they try to pull that Mom guilt on me!! Like when we come back from the chase and I tell them play time is over it's chore time to get the house ready to have a nice enjoyable weekend at home, and they say we haven't even played yet!! What the hell do you call the last four hours of wrestling, noys, and messes then?! Sheesh.

Okay, I'm over it. Still annoyed as shit, but over it. On to chores and making the house pretty so we can actually relax and play this weekend without worrying about it!

We interrupt our regularly scheduled broadcast for a *Pity Party*

You know you saw it coming with that last post.

I am so miserably bored right now. Bored with my hair, bored with my wardrobe, bored with my makeup, bored with having no money, bored with having no time to relax (even though I get much more bored with staying home if I do that), bored with my resume, bored with my responsibilities. So freakin' bored of everything in my life right now. I've fought so long for things to stay the same. Same house, same school, same schedule, that now that it is I'm aching for change.

It might mostly be the money thing. If I could actually have money, money to get the haircut I desperately need, money to get the clothes and jewelry to refresh my boring wardrobe, money to refill my quickly running out makeup and money to go out I might not be so bored : ) . Then, when I do have money it disappears like Houdini's bunny.

Here's to finding entertaining free stuff to do! I think I'll allow myself the rest of the day to pity party and then find something free and fun to rock the boat.

Winter Depression

This whole winter thing is affecting me a lot more than I like. I'm eating like a pig and have no motivation to use my gym. Not like that's any change from the last 3 years, but I need to! It's 79 degrees today and I'm in pants so I'm hot to top it off and pissed off that I thought it was going to be cool and instead I'm sweating!! I'm going to lay out by the pool tomorrow and soak up some sun since it's going to be 80 degrees.

Living on Advil

The pain has been bearable with Advil. It's been like a sore muscle all up and down the inside of my right leg. With Advil it's still been sore but I've been able to walk on it. Without it I was limping hard and exhausted from the effort. Monday I decided to go without in the afternoon and ended up taking the boys to and from sports and grocery shopping in agony.

Also, because of my varicose veins every night for the past five years I slept with a pillow under my feet to allow the blood from my broken veins to drain back to my heart. The few times I chose to fall asleep without a pillow under my feet I would wake up with my legs in pain, heavy, and sore about 3am and not be able to go back to sleep until I put my legs up. I was hoping I could do without right after surgery, but it was more comfortable to sleep with a pillow still. I thought maybe I will just have to keep sleeping with my feet up that way. Night before last night was the first time I slept without a pillow under my feet in five years!! Double whoohoo! I woke up that morning with my leg feeling and looking better than it has all week. Yesterday was also the first day all week it hasn't been sore while taking Advil!

Last night I put a lot of laundry away involving a lot of getting up and down out of bed after I took off the compression stocking so my leg was pretty sore. I slept the first half of the night with a pillow and then the last half without. Yay! Maybe I will actually get to sleep without a pillow under my feet in the future. This morning I didn't feel the need to take Advil until I got to work and started carrying the baby girl around.

My two week checkup is next Thursday. The only thing weirding me out occasionally is I'll get a super numb, fallen asleep feeling up and down the inside of my right leg. It's not all the time. It could be it's more prone to "falling asleep" now. I can usually walk that feeling off. Or it could be my stocking can be irritatingly tight like it was Monday or could be that I'm more swollen than normal, both of which could be related. We'll see how it goes, but I'm so excited that I actually may somewhat be back to normal (and better than my regular normal) by then!

Happy Father's Day

We did see the pastor Sunday. He talked to both of us separately. He asked me how I felt we were doing and I said, "Pretty good, I think." He says, "No, you're not." Then he goes on to say that our relationship is dysfunctional, we're not treating each other with respect, and we both need to go to counseling. Pin drop. Talk about a wake up call. Well, at least we can work on it now right? That's pretty much all I'll say here for now. I like to get the really tough stuff out because that IS life and reality, but the rest is just daily crap. No need to put it here unless it's drama ; ) .

Other than that, it was an absolutely amazing Father's Day. The boys and I made Brando breakfast in bed, and the boys brought him a book Justinbustin had personalized for him, a craft Shawners had made for him while he was still in school, and a few "Dad" books.

Brando handed out coupons out of a Dad coupon book he had been given last year. They each got to pick an adventure and an extra treat, and I got to pick an hour, or afternoon of whatever I wanted. So after lunch we spent the day going to the park, going fishing, having milkshakes, Justinbustin taking pictures, and an hour long bubble bath for me that Brando joined a little later!

So, so Sad

Life is really sad right now, and I don't know what to do about it. I wish life came with an instruction book.

So. Very. Tired.

A day from 8am - 5pm in the blazing sun, then straight to school for a bullsh*t exam, grocery shopping, and home, not to mention the morning til' 2am the night before... oh, and the one before that taking care of a friend. It all makes for one very tired Ros*y. When the boys are so tired that they're cranky and snappy, I always tell them they need to be aware that they're extra tired, and they need to try extra hard to be extra kind. Too bad I don't remember to remind myself of that.

California

was a blast. Unfortunately I got sick the last evening and have had a fever of 102 since. So fun updates will have to come later. In the meantime hopefully the guest bloggers I totally ditched on last week because I didn't want to use my mil's computer to access my blog will pull thru for me and not be too busy this Easter week.