Saturday, June 14, 2008

Alive

It turns out Brando was a single dad"ish" for the last three weeks before our (yes, I do mean our) meltdown Wednesday night, with my working on the weekends and going to class or studying four out of five evenings. Me being in the hot Texas sun from 8am-5pm on Monday-Wednesday this week helping out with the boys cub scout camp, then going to class or falling asleep, and being utterly exhausted didn't help matters. He was overwhelmed. I was overwhelmed. Fortunately I knew I was and went to a friends house to stay the night, which didn't help his cause, though it did help mine. He didn't know he was overwhelmed though, and sent a series of VERY mean texts the following day throughout the day. As I told Allison, it was the worst text day in all my texting life. His friend convinced him to come home if I agreed to not talk about it, and he did. Over the next day I had a realization about the single Dad thing that's been going on for him. Also that one of his love languages is acts of service, and while I was busy being extremely apalled and defensive of not becoming a Stepford wife when he was upset about me not helping around the house lately (read: exhauted), he was busy feeling VERY not loved. Especially when he asked the boys to do chores and I asked him if they could wait until the next day as they were tired from being at camp all day, then he asked me if I could help out and I said, "I'm not doing NOTHING!", which started it all. Granted while I was exhausted, he was busy being exhausted in the way only working full time, making dinner and putting the kids to bed every night and having them by yourself on the weekend can make one.

So, in a nutshell, that was our very, very sad last few days. Our pastor is going to talk with us if we are willing on Sunday (or today, but Sunday works better all around). While we have sorted through this one argument, I would really like to find out how to AVOID having major meltdowns in the future, or at least talk about strategies of how to deal with them. It's not like this is the last time our lives are going to be overly stressed. In fact, I'm taking off to work here in a few minutes and realized I'll be working on Father's Day tomorrow as well. Sorry, honey!

Thank you for all your sweet comments of concern! It means so much to me, feels like a big group hug, and a bunch of really sweet individual, supportive ones to boot. Let me know if you hear of that instruction book, will ya'?

7 Comments:

L said...

Although it doesn't necessarily "fix" things, doesn't it feel nice to kind of understand the other person in conflict? I can't say that from a marriage perspective, but when I'm frustrated with friends or family members, it's nice to kind of "get" where they're coming from. I love that love languages book! The question, like you said, is how do we avoid getting there again? At least you are on the right track, meeting with your pastor. I'm sure he'll offer some great words of wisdom. :)

emmaelizabeth said...

well at least it seems you guys are working thru things and recognizing what the other is going thru too. good luck. i'm sure the pastor will have good words of wisdom to help.

California Girl said...

I'm so sorry you guys are going through a tough time. It seems like you have a really good, open, understanding approach to the situation, and I hope Brando does too. Just focus on communicating with one another and trying to help one another out. Neither of you can do this alone. I'll be thinking of the both of you.

Sara said...

Hi Pinky...

I hate you are going through all this - just know there is a small light at the end of all tunnels and you are heading in the right direction ....it will get better (it has to right!!!). Hang in there girlie!!

Stace said...

Marriage was never said to be easy. Neither was loving. But it sounds like you 2 really want to work on this and you realize what needs to be done or a step in the right direction. You'll get through it and come out ahead. Stay strong. Have patience and don't forget to breathe! xoxoxo

Courtney said...

Ugh. Life sounds pretty bumpy right now for you. :( I KNOW you will get through this and one day you'll look back and think - WOW! That was a really tough time in my life, but I learned SO MUCH about myself. Every struggle comes with a lesson and you'll end up stronger in the end. Keep you head up, babe!

BIG BIG hugs!

Heather said...

I am sure talking to the pastor will help but have you thought about more intesive counseling with a marital counselor? Christian or nonchristian doesnt matter but someone that focus only on married couples. Our premarital counseling was great...just thought I would put a bug in your ear.

Hope in your next post things are looking up.

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