Friday, June 27, 2008

follow your desire, not your fear

Follow your desire not your fear. Find things that make you slightly uncomfortable but still intrigue and excite you.

I recently read this in my new fav magazine, Body & Soul. When I keep that in mind it brings such clarity. In fact, it used to be my philosophy. I used to do that with every move of my body. That's why I'm here in Texas, 2400 miles away from most of my family. That's why I've owned and sold a house at 26. That's why my husband was a realtor for two years before we finally let go and decided we needed a steady income. That's why I homeschooled my son for the first two years, and put him in an expensive as hell private school for the next two.

Now I've been burned by my fears so many times, I'm inclined to bow to them before I acknowledge my desires. I'm noticing this in the simple task of requesting teachers for the boys next year. My fears of what MIGHT happen if they get the wrong teacher are overtaking my desires of solid foundations and pinpointing the best teacher for them. Honestly, the only reason I'm so terrified of my fears in the first place is because I DIDN'T follow my desires last year in regards to their schooling, or a lot of other things really.

I want to redefine my desires. Instead of making them emotional desires, now that I've grown up a little, you know all 26 years, I want to make them logical desires. Define what I want in the END, not in the midterm e.g., good education versus fluffy bunny feelings. In a house, being in a secure financial position versus having the best house. In my marriage, having a strong relationship that lasts versus getting across my point now.

I wrote this so I would remember. Remember to follow my desire and not my fear, to find things that make me slightly uncomfortable but still intrigue and excite me.


L said...

This is so so good! And I love what you say about logical desires versus emotional; so true. Sometimes there are legitimate reasons we don't feel a peace about something versus being nervous due to fears of the unknown and not being in control.

I can't wait to come back to Austin! I'm developing an outreach plan at work, and I totally picked Austin as a place to hold an event, hehe. Granted, there is plenty of logic behind it - but selfish reasoning, as well. :) So it could be November, maybe even Thanksgiving again. Otherwise, probably the beginning of next year.

Stace said...

I'm a scared baby I have to contemplate EVERYTHING like finding a new job. . .been putting it off for about 2 weeks. WHAT CAN I DO? :/ I'm glad you will remember and put yourself out there. It's good for you.

California Girl said...

I just read an article in Oprah's magazine that covered EXACTLY this!

You're on the right track, my dear! Best of wishes.

my life is brilliant said...

I got behind on my blog reading, and I've just gone on quite a journey catching up on yours! It sounds like things have been pretty emotional lately, but I'm glad to see that even through all that uncertainty, you're remembering things like this. You're a strong woman!

I'm glad to see it looks like things are picking up again. It sounds like you're really growing a lot right now and figuring out what's best for you and your family and what you're going to do to get it. Good for you! What a great mom! Brando must be very proud of you.

Stacey said...

That is so true. I'm glad you posted this. I needed it! :)

BJ said...

After reading the first part of this post a few days ago i hunted down your magazine and found it. You still had it open to said article.

I reminded me of all those some choices, some good some bad. Some you didn't mention (for which i am great full) which were really dumb!.

After reading the whole post now, it makes me wonder what those things are for me and you now.

Me: Photography Business
You: Ill leave that for you to say (because I'm not you and I'm not sure... which may be its own problem)
Us: God i have no idea. I think the financial hurdles you mentioned are our bigs ones together now.


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