Thursday, August 18, 2011


After seeing meme-and-he's post, I feel it necessary to share with you all that I've been a little down since our last trip. Every little moment was loaded with family, and it makes me question my whole existence here.
Why am I so far away? Seriously, a three and a half hour plane ride makes a very long drive.

What benefit is it to my kids, any way? Yeah, they're fantastic kids but wouldn't they be if they lived there, too.

Will my kids ever be able to grow up around their grandparents? I thought they would... one day.

Why is it so darn hot in Austin this year? I didn't move here for this.
I've retreated inward these last two weeks and haven't really cared. It culminated last night when I lashed out at my sister, the one family I do have here, probably as a result of her being the majority of the reason we choose to stay here and me sadly holding that against her in some way, and gave her crap for not coming to our house enough. Can we say lonely much? And childish. Today, I have to apologize and I'm not looking forward to it. Mostly because it means I have to pick up the phone. That thing has not been my friend lately.
In moments like these, everything feels so overwhelming: I don't like Justinbustin's teachers this year, I pushed to keep him in band and now he has an expensive instrument and the 'crappy' team of teachers and we're $144 more broke every month, Shawners is this year going again to a school built in a chemical building whereas he wanted to homeschool earlier, but the minute I whipped out the work he says this is too hard, I want to go to school and now he's in that building for another year, the vapors in Justinbustin's gym from the wax gives me a headache every time there's a parent meeting (and there's been many) which makes me worry about the kids working out in there and breathing them in.
Those last two factors are actually overwhelming over all - if my kids' health is in jeopardy, what does it matter where we live?

Moments like these make me want to pack up and move home. Or move somewhere.
Moments like these make me want something new, anywhere.
On a bright note, vent over! If Justinbustin's teachers end up being truly crappy, I won't stop til' they switch teachers for him. If Shawner's has a headache for a month at the beginning of school again this year, I will pull him out and homeschool and find a way to make it where he WANTS to homeschool, and sneak in the hard work when he's not looking. I will email the principal of the school, not just the counselor, and mention the needed ventilation of the gym once again. I will apologize to my sister, and I will find something to be involved in on top of this gig I run called parenting to get myself out of my head.
 And because babies make me smile lately, I leave you with a picture of my brand new niece.

And to end with the words of Fabulous Drinks Austin- seems like there's a lot of this going around lately: "Please know the post was not meant for self pity, just want to be real and honest with my fabulous readers." Ditto, girl.


Liz said...

Sorry you're feeling that way. I usually end up feeling that way every single time I head home to NY for a visit. I wonder why it is that I've chosen to raise my family thousands of miles from where I was raised. I ask myself if the nice weather here is worth my kids not getting to spend tons of time with their grandparents. Really, all the things you mentioned.

I do hate it, but at the same time, I know that I can't return to upstate NY. I was never really happy being raised there. While I enjoy visiting for short periods, whenever we stay for more than 10 days, I'm always ready to go home. We are actually considering a move to So Cal, which I'm not exactly crazy about, but it would make my husband so much happier. And since I've moved across the country to a city where I didn't know a sole before, I can move a few hours away and do just fine. And just like you mentioned, part of me feels that a change to anywhere will be an improvement over all that we've been through while living here.

AnEarly30 said...

What is in the water lately? I've been a funk the last two weeks as well! Hang in there and I know you will make the right decision for you and your family.

simplychic said...

sorry to hear you are feeling down. i might be moving to a new city pretty soon, and i'm already feeling some of your same sentiments and i haven't even left yet. so you are not alone! but i guess we need those down days to really appreciate the great moments in life.


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