Saturday, September 18, 2004

So Much To Do

Well my posts haven't been quite "me" lately. I have been so overwhelmed lately my own self seems to be completely what I am not. I've been indecisive, insecure, yesterday I was depressed. Usually I struggle with the first two any way but can overcome them with decision. The second usually happens when I get to a breaking point, I cry, I complain, I feel depressed, then it's done. The insecurity and indecision drive me NUTS!

It's taken me awhile to even realize how indecisive I was in the first place and then took me another while to get over it, well now that I'm over it and falling back into it ARGH! I was really glad I got over it, I started a Girls Night Out group and we had some really great times, and it's even managed to keep going after I leave - well for this next time any way. I've enlisted a friend to take over the online group and another to keep up the hostess choosing for the next events. Hopefully that will work well! We had good times together and when I'm back out this way I'd love to attend them, and start up or join a new one in my new town! It'd even be nice to start one where we're going, if there's not already one in the works. I don't know if a year is enough time to make some friends and get them to get out of their homes for a night but heck I can try : ) !

The insecurity - well for a long time I had not introduced my friends to each other. And this summer I realized it was because I had been betrayed way back when by what I thought was a friend when I introduced her to my very good friend. So once I got over that and realized I shouldn't even consider those people friends if they would do that to you, then I realized how silly I was being with my friends. I had always wanted to introduce them to each other, I was just so afraid of getting taken I hadn't realized they were actually friends. So now that I have it's not been too bad. I did have one friend ask for another friend's friends phone number to invite her to something she only invited my friend, and then me, to as an afterthought. But what can you do?

I feel like I'm already gone from this place, my friends realize I'm moving and they have to go on with their lives. Though I am wondering why certain of them haven't offered to help me move. Makes me think I should make sure and have friends who would help me move. Actually two of them have and for that I am grateful, only one doesn't have a car, and the other is pregnant and possibly miscarrying! Funny how they are the most willing and helpful sweeties! Another friend has offered to take junk off my hands which is a BIG help believe it or not. We don't have a donation place open 5 days a week. They're only available to take donations Mon, Wed, and Fridays. Which is a big pain when you're moving! Any way so though she hasn't offered to help me move which I could understand as she has 3 little ones under 4, the getting rid of my junk has been really nice!! The other one lives an hour away now, and maybe I shouldn't feel this way and I really don't I just bring it up as a point of reference, I was there to help her at a drop of the hat when she moved, bringing stuff over and even cleaning her old place. But she hasn't even mentioned helping me or even seeing me before she goes. I know she has a lot on her plate but I also know that if she wanted to she could take the time, have her Mom watch her kids, and spend a day out here helping me pack up if she wanted. Maybe not this week, maybe next week, or last week, whatever. Maybe she still will! I'll hold onto that hope, because I love her as a friend, and I know she doesn't have many people that would be willing to do whatever it takes to help her out, and as a friend willing to do that for her, I'm hoping she'd be willing to do the same for me. Sheesh!! A month ago I wouldn't have questioned all this, I'd probably been able to make some sense of it all, and I'm not really questioning it now, I'm just wondering what it is that I'm feeling that I'm not seeing right now, and not seeing probably because I'm in the thick of it all. Time will tell.



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...