Sunday, September 12, 2004

Another Reason

I am wary of going back to where I grew up is that there is just something about family that tries to mire you down in who you used to be, or may still be a bit, but are trying not to be. Am I the only one here? I just feel so pressured and squeezed and poked and prodded into an old mold, an old form, not who I am anymore but still remember when I was that way so it's easy for me to feel like I am that way again. I am really dreading this aspect of being out there and hoping to find some tactful way to say "I don't appreciate you trying to bring me down by bringing up things that I used to do that you have no idea whether I may or may not do them anymore. Also, as family, such as a friend would do, you are there to love and support me, not tear me down, as I am here to do the same for you." Well that sounds kind and tactful enough, maybe I'll try that.

I would like to meet some people out there so that I can find that kind of support, even if it's not coming from my family, so hopefully I won't revert back to the things I used to be just because of the way they are or the things they say. And hopefully I can provide that for someone who's looking for that kind of support out there! I am near in tears here thinking of once again constantly being belittled for every mistake I make or even things that aren't mistakes but aren't perfect in the eyes of who is viewing them, or isn't something they would want or do, or maybe is something they would want or do but instead of being happy for me or congratulating me on it saying something mean or negatory just because they don't want it for me unless they can have it for themselves. And I'm not talking just about me here, I'm talking about my family, too, my two precious boys, and my hubby.

If any of my family ever does end up reading this which I'm sure they will eventually, I may delete this post, but better yet I hope that it will be an eye opener to the way that you treat family, that you really need to know that you are family for one reason and one reason alone, and that is to support and love each other.

I'll get off my soap box, now. I am hoping I can overcome this.



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