Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree

We went and got our Christmas Tree yesterday! The parking lot was completely empty, just us. It was fabulous. We decorated it today and had a wonderful time revisiting all the special ornaments. LG's favorite question, "Is this one mine?" He didn't want to put it up if it wasn't. BG was reading the years on the different ornaments and he read 2000 on his second Christmas train from Hallmark and said, "Wow! I didn't know I was alive that long ago!"

The boys were like jack in the boxes and wouldn't stay down for quiet time afterwards and are paying for it with early bed time. Hubby says those are separate, the good time decorating the tree and going to bed early for not taking quiet time like Mommy asked. They were throwing things at me! Not meanly, just in play if that is ever in play but STILL. Any way they also got under the tree and collected all their favorite ornaments we'd already placed so sweetly on the tree to put on ONE branch. One BG branch and one Shawn branch. I'll admit it was cute if I had not told them half an hour earlier and every five minutes since to lay down for a second. And if I didn't have to climb back behind the tree to get all those ornaments out and rearrange them. Okay, it was still cute.


Elgin Christmas Tree Farm - the only Christmas Tree Farm to go to around here. It struck me what a big difference it was from the California Christmas Tree Farms. There was no flat land in Cali, you literally climbed to your tree, and there was at least four or five different kinds. Here it was a flat span of tree after tree, and mostly Virginia Pines, which was what we ended up with.


Mommy & LG, taken by my hubby. I LOVE his pictures! This one strikes me, there's another that's similar that you can see of our faces, but I love the position of this one.


This one seems ethereal to me. I love it.




No idea who that girl is but she looks good in the picture!


The needles just barely brush the top of our ceiling. Perfect!


The finished Christmas Tree!! Sooo purty.

Butterfly Feelings

We have two computers now, so I'll probably be on here a lot more. Good for me, maybe not so good for you as I feel like I tend to be very wordy lately. Just means I have a lot of thoughts on my mind, right? Too bad I couldn't express them so beautifully as the lovely Ms. Cecilia.

I sent off two things tonight and feel so good about the people I sent them to, and so happy that hopefully what I sent will warm their hearts a little as they have warmed mine. We went to Chili's afterwards for a family date and Hubby talked me into a Raspberry Chambord Margarita. Yuuuummmm. But it made me oh so tired. At least I'm not tense. What is it with us women? Not only do we have to PMS, we have that little thing called ovulating in the middle of it all that brings it's own hormonal imbalances with it all. I am grateful for it, though, because that allows me to have these beautiful children that are such amazing blessings that not all women are able to have for their own reasons or another. Amanda has made me grateful for that, and at the same time wishing I could share that power that is not mine.


This was one of the centerpieces for our Thanksgiving table, as well as the flower my cousin used for her centerpieces this spring for her reception after her wedding.

Toothy

Hubby and I were just talking to BG yesterday about the fact that he probably would be losing teeth soon. He was stuffing a piece of trash into a dinosaurs mouth so you couldn't see it and we were telling him about how Oma had given Daddy twenty dollars one time when he had to have a tooth pulled and she had made it super tiny and stuffed it into a super tiny tooth box.

This morning he comes into my room and says, "I'm losing my first tooth!" Sure enough his right bottom tooth is wiggling back and forth.

BG has a first tooth pillow to put his tooth in they must've been looking for as a few minutes later I walked by their room and hear LG saying, "Oooh MAN. I can't find your pocket with a pillow BG."

Beautiful Moments

If you need a precious moment, go see Londyn's beautiful baby pictures and say congrats to Alyssa and Ben!

My parents visit was fabulous and wonderful. Every moment was cherished, knowing that those moments are coming much farther and fewer between than before. The hugs were a little stronger, the words a little kinder, the tears a little saltier.

Tuesday night we celebrated my Mom's birthday. They flew in in the evening and my sister surprised them at the airport with 55 red roses for her 55th birthday. We met them and caravaned to Olive Garden where we had a room reserved. Hubby stopped by to pick up balloons and a cake and met us with sleepyhead LG. We were more or less making it a surprise before my Mom turns to me in the car and says, "Are we celebrating my birthday tonight?" I say "Yeees." and she says, "I didn't know that, I just guessed." It was then I realized we hadn't said anything on purpose. Oops. It was wonderful any way and Hubby surprised her with the balloons and the cake that had Happy 110th written on it because he couldn't remember how old she was turning. Funny that he unconsciously doubled it. I told him it would've been better if he had put 24th. My Dad added to the laughter and good company with a card for all of us 'family' in Texas that had a picture of a very concentrated baby's face that said "I miss you so much..." and inside it said, "I could POOP." That is SO my Dad.

Wednesday my Dad took the boys fishing and my Mom and I had a shopping day. We raided Costco and afterwards we had a fabulous relaxing lunch at Panda Express outside on the cafe tables in the beautiful 75 degree weather. We picked up my sister and hit Pier 1 and World Market for ornaments. I buy the kiddos ornaments every year relating to their favorite thing that year. This year I bought LG two puppy ornaments as he adores all animals and a Santa Claus ornament as he adores Santa Claus. He's already been to see Santa Claus twice this year, telling him he wants a tiny snowboard and a snowboard guy. He still wants to go see him again. Tonight he was out of bed asking for water and singing, "Oh Santa Claus, santa claus." For BG I got a motorbike ornament as his request for Santa Claus was one of those tiny motorcycles they have. Isn't he getting too old for Santa Claus? Heh. We have told them he's just a story that people like to do but they refuse to believe it. Oh, yes, and LG made sure to tell me that Santa Claus reminded him to leave him milk and cookies and asked me to remember to remind him to make Santa Claus milk and cookies.

I will have to finish the recount of the visit later. It is Hubby's and my fifth anniversary tonight and we are sitting on our computers having a quiet night, so before we fall asleep I am off to spend some time with him and maybe a movie or two.

Update: Finishing up Wednesday, we ate at the Cheesecake Factory that night which was delicious as usual. I walked next door to the bookstore near the end for some space and me time and then came back.

Thursday we had our Turkey dinner at Le Madeline's with the back room all to ourselves. It was wonderful. No cooking, no cleanup. We didn't even sit around and lounge too much. After our dinner we came home and the boys and their cousins and I made a gingerbread house, or 'candybread house' as LG calls it which was a perfect thing to do on his birthday. We did a pretty good job if I do say so myself and I do. We went up to the pool for a little bit after that and played pool and shuffleboard. We came home and watched Robots, made frozen pizza for dinner, and then went and watched Yours, Mine, and Ours at the theatre. Then came home once again for ice cream before we called it a day. Whew. I'm tired just typing that. But it really was wonderful and not exhausting at all.

Friday we celebrated LG's birthday at Austin Park N Pizza. We were there from 1pm to 11pm with a birthday cake and present break at a nearby restaurant in the middle. The kids had a blast and have asked to go back every day since.

Saturday, my parents took off and I was less sad than I thought I would be, but not in a bad way. Just in an accepting of this is where I need to be way. It WAS a fabulous visit, we couldn't have asked for anything more.

Update:

This started out as an update to the below, but when I finished I decided it deserved its own post.

I just read a kick in the pants email and so now I am going to say what I am grateful for, not all-inclusive. I am grateful for my family. I am grateful for my extended family being here to celebrate this wonderful holiday. I am grateful for my beautiful home to raise my children, be it the home we are in forever or just the home we are in now. I am grateful for my son turning four as we speak, laying here sweetly sleeping next to me. I am grateful for my six year old sleeping on the couch above Grandma and Grandpa's heads. I am grateful for the gorgeous weather we had today. I am grateful that there is a place that we will get to go that has reserved a room all for us at no charge. I am grateful that the rental car company gave us an incredibly good deal on our red SUV, so much so that my Dad returned his previously rented minivan to use this one which is a much nicer drive. I am grateful that God is good and ever faithful. I am grateful that I can realize when outside forces are affecting my attitude and hopefully adjust my attitude to be able to handle those forces. I am grateful that LG is going to have a present from his sweet, darling brother, and a few from Mommy and Daddy too.

I pray that LG has a wonderful fantastic birthday and a memory to hold onto as his memory is so very good lately.

And a few cute kid stories before I go...

Yesterday I was painting my nails and LG comes in the bathroom and says, "When you are done painting your nails and your nails are dry, will you wipe my popo when I am done going poopoo?" Of course I say yes. And he very patiently waited on that toilet until he was absolutely sure my nails were all the way dry. He always takes his shirt off to go number two and when he's on there awhile, as was the case here, his little pants fall down around his ankles and fall off so he ends up with nothing but socks on, sitting very cutely on the toilet.

Today BG asks me to babysit his bear and take good care of her while he goes fishing with Grandpa, and gives his bear a sweet hug and kiss before he hands her over to me. I called him to tell him I was taking her shopping with Grandma, Auntie W, and I and he says, "Kisses to my bear AND Auntie W."

Tonight the two of them saw my stress and sat down next to me as I was folding clothes and LG started folding washcloths and BG did the socks. LG says, "Now I know how to do it!" He was all smiles the other day when he discovered all by himself how to fold washcloths.

Thanks Giving

The Thanksgiving holiday has started and it goes from super high to super low. Today was great, but throw my husband in the mix and well... things didn't go as planned. I never thought of my parents as the cause of stress between us but boy did they seem to get there tonight. Not anything they say or do, just my perception of how I say or do things when I'm around them. I feel like I have been on Hubby's back, and at the same time I feel like he's feeding me to the wolves when he's not there supporting me through every. little. decision. Not only do I have to make all the decisions which is hard for me to do any way, but both my sister and my Mom have their decisions, and then you decide's to input and it just makes me go haywire. And, no, Cecilia, this time I didn't vent before I pulled my hair out.

I got PO'd at Hubby tonight and I'm not even sure what for. I just feel this incredible amount of stress on my chest and it ain't right. I am so glad my parents are here. My heart would be breaking from loneliness if they weren't, but at the same time it is darn stressful. Not having a three bedroom sure complicates matters as well. I still need to upkeep the house, usually after hours as we're gone all day, shopping or whatnot. That's a little difficult to do when they're sleeping in the middle of the living room. We tried to convince them to take our room but they wouldn't bite. Tomorrow we'll move the air mattress into the boys room, as the boys are sleeping next to them any way. That'll probably be a little better.

Did I mention my nephew got sick Monday night? So we cancelled Thanksgiving dinner at their house, decided not to do it at mine in case anybody got sick and now we're doing it at a local restaurant. My worst Thanksgiving nightmare come true. But whatever. I've learned to deal right? I just love Thanksgiving dinner at home, doesn't matter whose home. So Turkey dinner at a restaurant is not fun for me. Besides the one Turkey dinner I remember at a restaurant as a kid was not a pleasant memory for me. Maybe that will be my goal. To make it a fabulous wonderful one for my kiddos. That'll work.

And ANOTHER thing. Okay I am venting even if it is after the fact. What is up with Hubby giving the boys stinkin' half baths? When I say they need a bath they NEED A BATH not a freakin' rinse. Don't get me wrong, I love giving my boys a fun bath. But every. single. night. Surely once a week for someone else to give them a good, thorough bath isn't too much to ask?!? Apparently it is. I need to summon up some Alyssa strength, I don't know how that girl does it (and thank you for your sweet comments, by the way, I really appreciate it). Cecilia, you are too sweet, and yes WHY is it that when one thing goes wrong it's just that everything else gets to be WAY too much. Allison, that is very true I should just do that all day, and speaking of, I have a surprise for you... : ) . That was strange replying to comments in my post, but it's 11pm and I need to get to bed so I'm not going to go back and comment on them.

Happy Thanksgiving Day everybody!! What are you grateful for (mine to be posted when I'm in a gratefulesque mood...) ?

Little Stress

Well we haven't had a second car since we got here. The van's transmission went out on the way here and has yet to be touched. We had it in one shop, decided we didn't like their estimate, took it elsewhere, and the guy didn't even look at it til' yesterday.

Up until last week that was just fine. Hubby had his classes I could take him to and have the car. This week, not so much. He has various appointments and trying to get a second job as well which means driving to the various different job places. So this morning BG has an appt. with his nice lady at 10:15am, Hubby has an appt. at 9:30am - oops, my sister who last night said she could take me had her eleven year old throwing up all night, the other ride who said she could do it this morning had to back out when she realized she had no gas and no gas money not to be remedied til' this afternoon. Well yes a taxi would've worked if the carseats weren't still in the car and it's just not THAT important to me to have LG riding around without a carseat with somebody I don't even know. Well the lady is going to end up coming here this afternoon, thank God. Maybe that's just what we'll have to do until we get a second car, or the van back.

Not having a car SUCKS!! I'm trying not to stress about it too much but I get the feeling Hubby told the people to 'take their time'. Sure no problem. I can be without a car as long as necessary. Keeps me from getting any errands done or spending any money. Not to mention in the meantime we're going to have to rent a car while my parents are here, which they come in tonight. Oh yeah? And the sister whose son is sick? We're supposed to have Thanksgiving at their house. I just pray that the rest of us don't come down with anything, my parents are only here for three days and besides not wanting them to get sick I just want them and us to have a nice time while they're here.

ARGH Other than that things are just dandy. Really. I just needed to vent :) .

Happy Saturday!

It's warmed up a little here, 67 degrees today. And the sun is pouring in. Have I mentioned how much I love afternoon sun?? I got my wish with this place. It warms up the house just where it's needed.

Hubby is gone today, finding a fill in job and filling in on his current job. Right now he's hanging with the son of the guy who runs the group that he's working with, who also works with the same group. The boys and I have started the day out like any other day, only a little more loose. BG and I did a family tree and an American flag this morning. It was fascinating to discover that for the stars there are five rows of six stars alternating with four rows of five stars to make the fifty stars. And for the stripes there are seven red, beginning and ending with the red, and six white. The family tree, well BG decided Tony Hawke should be on that as well as his puppy that's named the same name as him. Friends are family too is what I say.

I have started Flylady again. Not that I ever stopped, but I did slack majorly. 'Fell off the band wagon' as Flylady would say. Allison and I got to talking about her emails while she was here. It reminded me of how wonderful her system was for me. That and knowing how I've really wanted to get BACK into that in the first place was just enough to get me to stop deleting all the emails until I've done them one by one. I still delete all the testimonials, most of them I wonder exactly what stage they're at and know that I'm either past that or not there yet so they don't do much for me. The ones that remind me to get off my patookie and get something done really help though. I just spent the last twenty to twenty-five minutes or so and my bathroom is sparkling, the laundry's set, my island is perfectly clear, and my living room is cleared out a bit. I'm reminded of all the reasons I love those emails so much - especially the fifteen minute rule, after fifteen minutes you're done. Keeps me from getting overwhelmed and not wanting to do ANY of it.



Cheesy bow : ) , but I've had one of these pens since the beginning and still have it. It's my favorite pen and the only one I keep in my purse!

So The Story Goes

Yesterday the kids played and played and played SOOOO wonderfully and I got so much ME time it was incredible. 37 degrees cold but still somehow an absolutely gorgeous day. I had the blinds completely open and the sunshine was pouring in. The boys were playing contentedly - some of it outside. I made myself a Salsa Turkey with Ranch Dressing on French Bread sandwhich and a tall glass of iced tea and sat at my dining room table with my computer. It felt like home. And summer.

Last night I decided to get into the kids closet. I realized I had left everything special, meaningful, and just plain nice here so that it wouldn't get ruined in California. It was like Christmas opening all these wonderful toys that I had no idea were here. I called Hubby before he got home from work and asked him to stop by our newly discovered 2 minute away Target and get some shelves for their closet so there would actually be a place to put everything. He came home with these Sauder closet organizer cubes (similar to those but only two shelves) that work perfectly - two huge deep shelves in each, enough to fit their biggest toys with room to spare. And while I was working on the closet? They played for four hours with their new toys in the middle of the living room, having a blast.

Today we started out with school and did a little workbook we had from a group we went to on Monday that was a blast, both the group and the book. The kids had fun with that and then we did some artwork. BG drew a parachuter in the middle of a pine forest (okay not underneath him) and used a technique with his crayon that he had observed from the art teacher sitting next to us at the Indian Powwow we had gone to with a friend a few weeks back. He used the end of the crayon and loosely held it to be able to easily cover a large area with color. The guy had his class with him and was doing charcoal drawings. It was amazing, as BG put it, the things tiny kids can learn from big kids.

That same art teacher I started talking to and he told me about a wonderful art program in the city that I finally checked out online yesterday and they are incredible!! They have every kind of art class imaginable, for adults, for kids, for preschoolers, and even for homeschoolers! I'm thrilled to find out more about it, and their winter classes are starting soon so that will be perfect after the holiday rush. They do have a small individual Saturday class for parents and kids that I may take them to beforehand just to check it out.

Well I'm just rambling, but God has been amazing in His blessings that He has poured out on his here. The support and friendship He has given me these first few weeks has been priceless and literally blows my mind. To find such amazing people that actually want to have a relationship with you and are in a space where they can have a relationship with you, and for them to have children that are in the same space with your children is amazing and absolutely mind boggling.

Then on top of it all to have someone who knows the ins and outs of your situation, not only from reading it, but actually going through it herself, have the opportunity to come by in the first few weeks of being here and visit and totally fall in love with your kids and they her, is absolutely priceless.

Even through my sadness, God, through these people and countless other things including, and so much more than I ever thought he could be - my husband, has given me nothing but encouragement since the day I got here. I am beginning to see the rays through the clouds. The sun is there, it has always been there, it's seeing it that's the hard part. I may have to change my Walk By Faith words, "I will walk by faith even when I don't see the light." to "I will walk by faith as I see your amazing grace.".

Hi Allison : )

We had a beautiful day today. As promised I took Allison to the Cheesecake Factory for yummy coffee, Dulce de leche Caramel Cheesecake, and hot chocolate for the boys - who promptly decided they could sit nowhere else but beside her. I got my side all to myself - a rare occasion. They totally LOVED her. And after meeting her last night I knew they would. They know and appreciate only the sincerest of hearts. Little Guy totally dolled up on her, and even Big Guy did, who is VERY cautious at warming up to people - it takes him a good long while to get to the cuddly stage with anybody besides Mommy, but it was instant with her.

We went to the Arboretum that has a gorgeous fountain area and discovered a beautiful vista point and just beyond that a little winding rock path down to a duck pond that I had no idea about. The little pond had fountains in the middle, a little duck house, picnic benches and a winding path around the edge, as well as the sun setting with the light reflecting off the pond making it even more gorgeous. The kids loved it, as well as the marble or alabaster - we couldn't figure out which they were and I can't seem to find it online - cow sculptures they could climb on that they had above in the park area.

Next stop was picking up Hubby after his class. I'm so happy she was able to meet everybody! We even got to stop by our house and give her the grand tour - thank God because LG was in tears that she wouldn't get to see his toys before she left. 'Next time' was not quite good enough for him. So they got to play Star Wars with the light sabers and Batman and Darth Vader with their Halloween capes and hide in the closet for BG to find them.

It was a wonderful, wonderful visit - I couldn't have pictured it going any better. It was so strange because I felt like I knew her already and she knew me, we didn't have to deal with the so what do you do? questions and worry about what kind of impressions we were making, we were just able to get into the meat of things - that and girl talk without it being small talk. Love, love, LOVED it. Pictures are up! Don't forget to sign in to see the most recent ones.

She IS Blonde, Beautiful, and Brilliant

And just as sweet as you would think. We went to the famous Chuy's that both of us had never been to before and enjoyed Margaritas, very spicy and very yummy jalapeno ranch and really good chicken. In finding that link I just realized they own the Hula Hut which is another really fun restaurant in town. Any way, it was late and we made it even later by chatting til' midnight. The indepth conversation was already covered thanks to our blogs 'cept for a few tears and vents so we were able to just GIRL talk, which was so wonderful for me. No pictures yet but hopefully we will get some today when she gets to meet my sweeties!

I've finally had a chance to just BE home this morning and actually get some laundry done. The boys and I did school - BG made a Mario hat, and LG played with playdough as he loves to. Now I'm off to the shower so I can get out of here!

Cute and Not So Cute (but still Cute)

Awwwwww my little guy just said, "I love our house." and I said, "Why did you say that?" And he says, "Because this is our house and Grandma and Grandpa's house is Grandma and Grandpa's house." And then Justin says, "Yeah and we don't have to get yelled at by Grandma." My Mom's a sweetheart but she gets easily stressed out. When they say things like this it's not so hard to remember why we're here.

And then my hubby, in the shower tonight... "Three more days in this boring ass class, before I have to get up off my ass. To go to work and make a buck, so me and my wife can have a nice place to f#@k." I won't even tell you what it was to the tune of. He wants to add a disclaimer that he's not usually this blatant (but he really is : ) .

Walk By Faith

Hubby and I went to a Jeremy Camp concert tonight from his Restored Tour. It was a blast! I was crying through the two of his songs "I Still Believe" and "Walk by Faith". He wrote "I Still Believe" two weeks after his wife died of cancer and said "If one person came to Christ because of all this it would be worth it." Before she passed she witnessed the nurse by her said come to Jesus. That started the tears and those two songs he sung after that continued them for her, for him, for me, for my walk with Christ.

We went to Cheesecake Factory before. Oh.my.gosh. Why didn't you people tell me?!? Okay okay I know some of you have. But their menu has always intimidated me - it's SOOO huge, how can it all be so good? But it is. We actually went because we wanted a nice place for coffee and decided to eat as an afterthought. Well the coffee was delicious, comparitive with my favorite place for coffee in Santa Cruz, The Farm, and my "appetizer" chopped salad with chicken, balsamic viniagarette, apples, and bacon was huge and enough for an after concert bite. The atmosphere was gorgeous, we sat outside with a beautiful 69 degree temperature and the sun going down.

My kiddos are spending the night at my sisters and though I'm a bit apprehensive I'm sending them happy thoughts and will look forward to seeing them tomorrow. I have BG's little puppy, "Captain", near me.

It was a beautiful night. The tears came back today and now I just don't know. Are they gone or not? I suppose they won't be for awhile, all I can do is walk by faith. He has a plan, and a purpose. There was a verse up there tonight that said "without faith you cannot please God." Above all else I WANT to please God, and so I pray He helps my unbelief, helps me to have faith in His every work, His every plan.

Hug Time

My six year old just told me as he and his brother go off to spend the night at a friends house, "Just remember when you cry, tell yourself BG and LG kisses and hugs."

Bittersweet

I thought going back and reading some of my old posts would make me feel better. Not so. Happy happy happy freakin' posts. The first sad one I found was in April. Maybe that was when I started categorizing them though. I'll have to look into it more, but right now I just don't want to go through all the happy.

My husband keeps telling me to stop looking at all the negatives, but try as I might the only positives I could come up with were counteracted with a negative. So I wrote down all the negatives of living in California, the negatives of living in Texas (no family, kids not growing up around family), the positives of living in Texas which ended up being ones that I still need to work on, and the positives of living in California which were ones I worked on during the year there and wouldn't have been able to write down right away. It helps, at least I have something in solid form and I don't have all these thoughts floating around in my head making me crazy.

I've been meeting up with people and going out as much as possible to keep myself sane. It helps. I usually get sad when I wake up and all these thoughts rush into my head, although this morning was okay, around 2pm, the downtime of the afternoon when I'm just tired and don't have the energy to be doing something that takes my mind off all these thoughts, and night time. Hubby has been working until 7:30-8pm every night and after 5pm it gets really hard to not think about all the sadness.

I've been praying for the sadness in my heart to go away and be replaced with happiness. The sermon yesterday at the church we attended was on faithfulness, how being faithful to your spouse/family is not just about adultery, but about giving your whole life to them, your whole mission and thought process. That was good for me to hear. Damn, I can't believe all the happy posts in California, I'm really going to have to reread through those.

Update: ahahahahaha. I just found my Quiet Dreams and Passing Nightmares blog. I had forgotten about it. There's were all those unhappy thoughts went. Now I'm reminded of why I went to California. And reminded of why I kept such a happy blog. Oops. Reasons for everything there are.

I'm Here

And Internet less, at least for a few more days. I'm in the business center right now.

It's been hard, very hard. I miss the grandparents and the fact that they are not near. I haven't cried so much since I got pregnant and the guy left me. It's breaking my heart. Slowly it's mending or at least being temporarily glued until it can be where it can heal. I had no idea this move would be so hard. But I'm surviving and I can't wait to get back on and read my archives about how hard it was being IN Cali. The thought now is to make it where we can move and HAVE OUR OWN PLACE back there in a few years. That would be a blessing. I would LOVE for my kids to grow up around their grandparents. Girl, you are so lucky. I'm so excited for you.

Talk to you guys all soon!