Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Then and Now

Got this idea from Michelle. Luv it. By then I mean this time last year, plus a few months.

Then: Scared about attending college.
Now: In my fourth class, three different professors, two different campuses, and one heartfelt friend later.

Then: Needed counseling desperately.
Now: Gone through counseling, feeling healed, and thinking about counseling to keep myself on track.

Then: $40k in debt and no idea how it affected how we live.
Now: $20k in debt and breaking out in hives realizing how it's affecting how we live and wanting to make sure we keep working towards the future as we have been.

Then: No steady income for our family.
Now: Steady income, plus second job for my hubby, as well as part time job opportunity for me when I need it.

Then: Stressed out about schooling decisions for my kids.
Now: Still stressed out about schooling decisions, but thinking counseling will help me develop a backbone with this and realizing working on that now rather than later will benefit all of us.

Then: Felt like I could never say no because I had to make up for the times that were sad around here.
Now: Developing a backbone with my kids, realizing I'm not being mean and seeing their appreciativeness of this new firm mommy.

Then: Brando and I never talked about finances. We tried to talk about it and ended up on the verge of divorce.
Now: Brando and I know we need to talk about finances and try our hardest. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. We are on the verge of realizing how to create a future together.

Then: I was scared sh*tless at every corner and operated all my life decisions out of fear. Had no confidence in myself. Thought I didn't have it in me to attend college.
Now: Still scared sh*tless but now I have the confidence to push past it and realize what incredible new opportunities change brings into my life (i.e. different campus = new sweet friend in school!). Happy and super confident in myself. Knowing that even if I don't feel it at the moment it's there because I have worth. Looking forward to earning my degree!


L said...

What a difference a year has made! :)

Stace said...

Appears you are more of a strong woman and that's always something to hold near and dear. GOOD JOB!

villagegirl said...

Wow! That's awesome. Isn't it amazing what one year can do? When you write it all out like that doesn't it make you feel like you can take on the world? You rock girl. Everyone goes through hardships and difficult times. It's how we come out of it and what we learn that defines who we are. Yay you!

Cecilia said...

This goes to prove time and again, that when doors close new ones do open up. That is change. Always the one paving the way for the new in our lives. I like to think they are better.

You know they say, too, that when you're feeling depressed it's because you're focusing on the past. When anxious, you're thinking too much about the future.

This entry definitely shows a calmer and zen you. It's because you've been asked to focus on the NOW. Which is what you have been doing lately, too. And look at you: a confident and hopeful PSD in all areas of her life. Wow!

I am so happy for you...not only for this but bec. of what you told me about coming out here. I don't know what my sched will be like then but I will surely be here for you! Hubs is really excited, too. Mail me when your itinerary's firmed up!!

Girl, we have got a lot of talking and catching up to do!!!! :-)

my life is brilliant said...

Wow! So neat to read this. I can't wait to see what great growth will come over the next year!

Courtney said...

You've come so far!!! I love this post! Big hugs to you.


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