Friday, August 11, 2006

Fall Back

I am where you'll usually find me on a hot weekday afternoon. On my computer listening to my Ipod drowning out the noise of my children. I sound like a horrible mother when I say that but in a two bedroom there aren't many places to go where I can have quiet. The laundry room with the washer going isn't very inviting so music is my quiet for now.

Speaking of a two bedroom my hope was we'd be out of here into a real house by now. That won't be the case for awhile. I'm sad but trying to accept it. That does get me thinking about painting. Painting would get rid of this horrible paint they've used that collects fingerprints and add some color to these white walls. Might as well get all my practice out on an apartment!

Brando has started his own blog, web site, and photo album. I've been blogging for two years and have put up less than five pictures of our faces total. Never mentioned our names yet he's blogged for a week and has both. Oh well. I'm not going to share the link here though you're welcome to email me for it!

Santa Cruz County Fair

I am missing my home. Santa Cruz. Home is where the heart is and though my heart is here a small piece of it is still there. Santa Cruz County Fair is coming up and S keeps asking when we get to go the place where the girl painted on his face again. Brando has said he'd be fine with us going out to Cali to visit. I'm debating whether I should cause such an uproar when I'm trying so hard to support him in his business and in life. I think I'm home sick. I know this is where our home is now and I want to make it that way. I don't want to confuse things by going back and forth. Never mind my children being confused, but me! I don't often ask for advice on matters of the heart but I'd love to hear what you guys think.

Listening to
Honeybrowne Finding Shade
Texas Angel, HoneyBrowne


girl from florida said...

Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry... I wish I had wonderful profound advice for you. Hmm. I'm trying to think what I would do in your situation, and that really does depend on the depth of your emotions right now. If B truly doesn't mind you visiting, then do it! It may be totally refreshing and invigorating for you and the kiddos. And you guys will miss each other so much it will of course be invigorating for the 2 of you as well :) It will be a blast!! I LOVE the picture... it's a beautiful one. xoxo

Courtney said...

1. Thank you for the adorable comment. :) That was so sweet of you!

2. I know you're feeling all homesick right now but I really think it's a passing thing. Life changes. Kids grow. People start new careers. Everything seems a bit tumultuous (spelling???) right now and I think it's easy to think "oh, if only I was back in Santa Cruz, everything would settle down" but the truth is that life is crazy and hectic no matter where you are. Of course you miss California... but Texas is where you belong for now... and if you came back here there would probably be all sorts of things you'd miss about Austin. Grass is always greener, right? Just take a deep breath and work on moving forward and making the best of whatever situation you happen to find yourself in. You'll be ok! You've got an AMAZING family to support you.

3. No you do not sound like a bad mother for wanting to drown your kids out with music. Silly girl! You sound like a human being who needs a few minutes to recoperate in peace and quite. Totally natural.

4. You know, Santa Cruz is only 25 minutes from my house. It would be SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO awesome if you came to visit. We could totally hang out and you could show me some good places to eat by the beach! :) Just a thought...

my life is brilliant said...

I also don't think it's bad that you're escaping for a minute on your iPod. In fact, for sanity's sake, it's probably better for you and your kids. As long as you're not ignoring them while something bad is happening -- which I'm sure you're not doing -- you're fine. Just because you have kids doesn't mean you can't have "me" time.

I also don't think it's bad to want to visit California. It's where you grew up. I agree with Courtney, too, that you will probably miss things about Austin, too. And if your husband is fine about you going, then you're not making uproar at all.

I definitely have to say I think his comment is adorable. You guys are lucky to have each other! :)

Laura said...

I say, if you can afford it, go! Why not? I'd go home a lot more if I could afford it. But if you feel like it would stress you out at all financially, then it would end up being another negative in your life that might last longer than the fun of going home for a few days. I think it's so wonderful that Brando is so supportive and encouraging you to go.

Cecilia said...

I so agree with all the thoughts shared in here and I so echo Courtney's #2 thoughts. Everything takes time and the homesickness will pass. For the past 7 years in this country, I'd been battling with it on and off so I can honestly tell you that it will pass. And what really helps is going off for a short visit to re-charge. So do go on and take that opportunity to go visit. It will give you a break, will let you soak up on your old haunts and memories, and you will be reminded of the kind of life you have in Austin now which you will definitely miss during your visit to Cali.

Take care, sweetie.


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