Changes

A lot of things are changing this year for me. As if my last two years haven't been full of changes. But whatever. J will be starting school twice a week and I'll be having to be much more intense about his schooling at home than I ever have been. That's new and scary. I'm afraid it might change me somehow but I hope it does in a good way. I'm also afraid it's going to affect the incredible team relationship S and him have. That's a big scary. He'll also be taking a break from his nice lady which scares me. She's been our lifeline for keeping him where he needs to go and I'm scared that we won't be doing what we need to do without her.

My neighbor is more than likely moving away. I've gotten used to having her around the last six months or so and having company whenever I run an errand, go to the pool, take a walk, or an instant friend when there's a new movie I want to go see. That makes me want to cry, she's been a little bit of family out here and now there will be none.

B is either going to sink or swim in this business. Right now he's more on the sinking side but he's trying to learn how to swim. Figuring out the strokes. Whatever way that goes will affect us a lot. Money wise and what we're doing with our life wise.

I'm in a really strange place as far as being a mother goes. I'm really enjoying life and friends, but I think I'm forcing myself to get back into the role of parenting a little more with this whole school thing going on. Yes I know I homeschool and I know I do so much for my kids, blah blah blah, but being completely honest here I think I'm really lazy about the whole thing. And I don't want to be that anymore. I don't think there's anything wrong with life and friends, I love that, I just want to make sure I'm not putting my kiddos on the sideline. I know I need to do that any way, doesn't mean I want to though.