So The Story Goes

Yesterday the kids played and played and played SOOOO wonderfully and I got so much ME time it was incredible. 37 degrees cold but still somehow an absolutely gorgeous day. I had the blinds completely open and the sunshine was pouring in. The boys were playing contentedly - some of it outside. I made myself a Salsa Turkey with Ranch Dressing on French Bread sandwhich and a tall glass of iced tea and sat at my dining room table with my computer. It felt like home. And summer.

Last night I decided to get into the kids closet. I realized I had left everything special, meaningful, and just plain nice here so that it wouldn't get ruined in California. It was like Christmas opening all these wonderful toys that I had no idea were here. I called Hubby before he got home from work and asked him to stop by our newly discovered 2 minute away Target and get some shelves for their closet so there would actually be a place to put everything. He came home with these Sauder closet organizer cubes (similar to those but only two shelves) that work perfectly - two huge deep shelves in each, enough to fit their biggest toys with room to spare. And while I was working on the closet? They played for four hours with their new toys in the middle of the living room, having a blast.

Today we started out with school and did a little workbook we had from a group we went to on Monday that was a blast, both the group and the book. The kids had fun with that and then we did some artwork. BG drew a parachuter in the middle of a pine forest (okay not underneath him) and used a technique with his crayon that he had observed from the art teacher sitting next to us at the Indian Powwow we had gone to with a friend a few weeks back. He used the end of the crayon and loosely held it to be able to easily cover a large area with color. The guy had his class with him and was doing charcoal drawings. It was amazing, as BG put it, the things tiny kids can learn from big kids.

That same art teacher I started talking to and he told me about a wonderful art program in the city that I finally checked out online yesterday and they are incredible!! They have every kind of art class imaginable, for adults, for kids, for preschoolers, and even for homeschoolers! I'm thrilled to find out more about it, and their winter classes are starting soon so that will be perfect after the holiday rush. They do have a small individual Saturday class for parents and kids that I may take them to beforehand just to check it out.

Well I'm just rambling, but God has been amazing in His blessings that He has poured out on his here. The support and friendship He has given me these first few weeks has been priceless and literally blows my mind. To find such amazing people that actually want to have a relationship with you and are in a space where they can have a relationship with you, and for them to have children that are in the same space with your children is amazing and absolutely mind boggling.

Then on top of it all to have someone who knows the ins and outs of your situation, not only from reading it, but actually going through it herself, have the opportunity to come by in the first few weeks of being here and visit and totally fall in love with your kids and they her, is absolutely priceless.

Even through my sadness, God, through these people and countless other things including, and so much more than I ever thought he could be - my husband, has given me nothing but encouragement since the day I got here. I am beginning to see the rays through the clouds. The sun is there, it has always been there, it's seeing it that's the hard part. I may have to change my Walk By Faith words, "I will walk by faith even when I don't see the light." to "I will walk by faith as I see your amazing grace.".

Hi Allison : )

We had a beautiful day today. As promised I took Allison to the Cheesecake Factory for yummy coffee, Dulce de leche Caramel Cheesecake, and hot chocolate for the boys - who promptly decided they could sit nowhere else but beside her. I got my side all to myself - a rare occasion. They totally LOVED her. And after meeting her last night I knew they would. They know and appreciate only the sincerest of hearts. Little Guy totally dolled up on her, and even Big Guy did, who is VERY cautious at warming up to people - it takes him a good long while to get to the cuddly stage with anybody besides Mommy, but it was instant with her.

We went to the Arboretum that has a gorgeous fountain area and discovered a beautiful vista point and just beyond that a little winding rock path down to a duck pond that I had no idea about. The little pond had fountains in the middle, a little duck house, picnic benches and a winding path around the edge, as well as the sun setting with the light reflecting off the pond making it even more gorgeous. The kids loved it, as well as the marble or alabaster - we couldn't figure out which they were and I can't seem to find it online - cow sculptures they could climb on that they had above in the park area.

Next stop was picking up Hubby after his class. I'm so happy she was able to meet everybody! We even got to stop by our house and give her the grand tour - thank God because LG was in tears that she wouldn't get to see his toys before she left. 'Next time' was not quite good enough for him. So they got to play Star Wars with the light sabers and Batman and Darth Vader with their Halloween capes and hide in the closet for BG to find them.

It was a wonderful, wonderful visit - I couldn't have pictured it going any better. It was so strange because I felt like I knew her already and she knew me, we didn't have to deal with the so what do you do? questions and worry about what kind of impressions we were making, we were just able to get into the meat of things - that and girl talk without it being small talk. Love, love, LOVED it. Pictures are up! Don't forget to sign in to see the most recent ones.

She IS Blonde, Beautiful, and Brilliant

And just as sweet as you would think. We went to the famous Chuy's that both of us had never been to before and enjoyed Margaritas, very spicy and very yummy jalapeno ranch and really good chicken. In finding that link I just realized they own the Hula Hut which is another really fun restaurant in town. Any way, it was late and we made it even later by chatting til' midnight. The indepth conversation was already covered thanks to our blogs 'cept for a few tears and vents so we were able to just GIRL talk, which was so wonderful for me. No pictures yet but hopefully we will get some today when she gets to meet my sweeties!

I've finally had a chance to just BE home this morning and actually get some laundry done. The boys and I did school - BG made a Mario hat, and LG played with playdough as he loves to. Now I'm off to the shower so I can get out of here!

Cute and Not So Cute (but still Cute)

Awwwwww my little guy just said, "I love our house." and I said, "Why did you say that?" And he says, "Because this is our house and Grandma and Grandpa's house is Grandma and Grandpa's house." And then Justin says, "Yeah and we don't have to get yelled at by Grandma." My Mom's a sweetheart but she gets easily stressed out. When they say things like this it's not so hard to remember why we're here.

And then my hubby, in the shower tonight... "Three more days in this boring ass class, before I have to get up off my ass. To go to work and make a buck, so me and my wife can have a nice place to f#@k." I won't even tell you what it was to the tune of. He wants to add a disclaimer that he's not usually this blatant (but he really is : ) .

Walk By Faith

Hubby and I went to a Jeremy Camp concert tonight from his Restored Tour. It was a blast! I was crying through the two of his songs "I Still Believe" and "Walk by Faith". He wrote "I Still Believe" two weeks after his wife died of cancer and said "If one person came to Christ because of all this it would be worth it." Before she passed she witnessed the nurse by her said come to Jesus. That started the tears and those two songs he sung after that continued them for her, for him, for me, for my walk with Christ.

We went to Cheesecake Factory before. Oh.my.gosh. Why didn't you people tell me?!? Okay okay I know some of you have. But their menu has always intimidated me - it's SOOO huge, how can it all be so good? But it is. We actually went because we wanted a nice place for coffee and decided to eat as an afterthought. Well the coffee was delicious, comparitive with my favorite place for coffee in Santa Cruz, The Farm, and my "appetizer" chopped salad with chicken, balsamic viniagarette, apples, and bacon was huge and enough for an after concert bite. The atmosphere was gorgeous, we sat outside with a beautiful 69 degree temperature and the sun going down.

My kiddos are spending the night at my sisters and though I'm a bit apprehensive I'm sending them happy thoughts and will look forward to seeing them tomorrow. I have BG's little puppy, "Captain", near me.

It was a beautiful night. The tears came back today and now I just don't know. Are they gone or not? I suppose they won't be for awhile, all I can do is walk by faith. He has a plan, and a purpose. There was a verse up there tonight that said "without faith you cannot please God." Above all else I WANT to please God, and so I pray He helps my unbelief, helps me to have faith in His every work, His every plan.

Hug Time

My six year old just told me as he and his brother go off to spend the night at a friends house, "Just remember when you cry, tell yourself BG and LG kisses and hugs."

Bittersweet

I thought going back and reading some of my old posts would make me feel better. Not so. Happy happy happy freakin' posts. The first sad one I found was in April. Maybe that was when I started categorizing them though. I'll have to look into it more, but right now I just don't want to go through all the happy.

My husband keeps telling me to stop looking at all the negatives, but try as I might the only positives I could come up with were counteracted with a negative. So I wrote down all the negatives of living in California, the negatives of living in Texas (no family, kids not growing up around family), the positives of living in Texas which ended up being ones that I still need to work on, and the positives of living in California which were ones I worked on during the year there and wouldn't have been able to write down right away. It helps, at least I have something in solid form and I don't have all these thoughts floating around in my head making me crazy.

I've been meeting up with people and going out as much as possible to keep myself sane. It helps. I usually get sad when I wake up and all these thoughts rush into my head, although this morning was okay, around 2pm, the downtime of the afternoon when I'm just tired and don't have the energy to be doing something that takes my mind off all these thoughts, and night time. Hubby has been working until 7:30-8pm every night and after 5pm it gets really hard to not think about all the sadness.

I've been praying for the sadness in my heart to go away and be replaced with happiness. The sermon yesterday at the church we attended was on faithfulness, how being faithful to your spouse/family is not just about adultery, but about giving your whole life to them, your whole mission and thought process. That was good for me to hear. Damn, I can't believe all the happy posts in California, I'm really going to have to reread through those.

Update: ahahahahaha. I just found my Quiet Dreams and Passing Nightmares blog. I had forgotten about it. There's were all those unhappy thoughts went. Now I'm reminded of why I went to California. And reminded of why I kept such a happy blog. Oops. Reasons for everything there are.

I'm Here

And Internet less, at least for a few more days. I'm in the business center right now.

It's been hard, very hard. I miss the grandparents and the fact that they are not near. I haven't cried so much since I got pregnant and the guy left me. It's breaking my heart. Slowly it's mending or at least being temporarily glued until it can be where it can heal. I had no idea this move would be so hard. But I'm surviving and I can't wait to get back on and read my archives about how hard it was being IN Cali. The thought now is to make it where we can move and HAVE OUR OWN PLACE back there in a few years. That would be a blessing. I would LOVE for my kids to grow up around their grandparents. Girl, you are so lucky. I'm so excited for you.

Talk to you guys all soon!