Yesterday

Yesterday was a crock. I packed the kids up, bathing suit shorts and all, and we headed out for lunch and the beach. My sister called and asked if we wanted to go to the beach, since we were headed there I thought what the heck let's meet up, it'd be rude not to, right? Well my particular pick of beach idea was shot down by the tone in her voice and for some reason the rest of my afternoon went to shit from that day on. I seriously doubted myself and ended up driving around for an hour to find a 'better' beach when the one I'd already picked was just fine. Damn self-doubt. By the time I figured that out Little Guy was asleep and I was in tears. We went home so he could sleep and I could calm down.

A few hours later my other sister, the oldest one who is visiting from Texas, came home and her 10 year old son who was with us all day begged her to take him to the beach. By that time I was calmed down and really wanted to go to the beach as well. We woke up Little Guy and plopped him in the stroller and off we went. Down to the harbor and along it to the beach. We had an absolutely glorious time, Big Guy and Nephew played in the water all afternoon long, and Big Sis and Little Guy played in the sand and some in the water. I sat by the wayside and snapped pictures, beautiful silhouette pictures in the sunset.

Big Sis decided to rinse off in the ocean just as we were about to go and got swept under. I missed that part. But turned just in time to get a picture of her soaking wet grinning as she came out. We came back, wet, cold, and hungry, but having had a wonderful time.

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What is it about a person that can make you self doubt yourself? I thought and thought and thought on it and came up with the fact that she (next to biggest sis) does not believe in me. At all. I don't even know if she believes in herself. I try to believe in myself but when someone is coming hard against you it's hard to know where to fall. Hubby put it in an interesting perspective that it's part of his job to help me believe in myself and when she's pushing on my self belief I need to have that to fall back on. I know I need to be stronger myself, but that is true to, and it was a really sweet analogy he came up with.

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UPDATE